there once was a girl,

There once was a girl that loves to read books about cheesy teen romances. She read them with longing, jealously, and wanting. Wanting to be somewhere that there weren't the same people at school every day and where the variety of people was better, where it is harder for the school to know your business. Jealousy for the beautiful girls that don't know their beauty or do and have guys left and right. For their effortlessness in situations. Longing for someone special to make me happy, longing for the confirmation I crave.
Now, this same girl has grown and aged and become more wise, but all those things she wanted she still wants. She wants to feel beautiful and not self conscious, she wants guys to see her for who she is. She wants to have that effortless grace and beauty. She wants to meet better, sweeter guys that she reads about in her books. The ones who don't drink and party and smoke pot, who don't flirt with anything that breathes. She wants that fictional perfect guy.
She's been trying to feel good about herself, but it is a daily struggle.
She blames the town, she blames her genetics, she blames God, and she blames herself.
"If only my nose was a little smaller," "My eyes more colorful,"
She just wishes she could change things.
It's poisonous. 
Change how she sees herself, how other people see her and change her surroundings. But she knows this wont happen overnight.
So she tries.
And tries. And it gets a little better, day by day.
She tries.

Jealousy is a terrible thing. Which is why I am terrible.

So we all have that one friend that is pretty much better than us at everything... right?
Well, I do.
She is one of my best friends in the world, but she sometimes makes me feel so ugly compared to her.
Don't get me wrong, she always is amazing and compliments me and stuff, it's just. Yeah. I don't even compare to her.
She has the cutest little feet, skinny but not scrawny legs, a cute belly (she's skinnier than me, and eats healthier, too.) nicely shaped arms and hands (she's stronger...) a cute shaped face, pretty eyes, a normal shaped nose, and beautiful hair. All the guys in this freaking town have liked her (or have kind of dated her) and she is so good around guys.
It kills me every time I see more guys (and guys I think are cute but don't notice me) flirting with her. It seriously makes me feel like dirt. I wish I could just yell "HELLO! THERE'S SOME BEAUTIFUL SOMEWHERE IN HERE!"
Yeah,,, I'm having a pity party up in my crib.
Blah.
Also, I've got PMS.
Also also, haha I've gotten too lazy to look up more quotes. So yeah.