The pity party continues...

Oh yeah! And I won my two races this weekend. Not that guys care about running skills, plus I always look like crap when I run.

God, I am so petty.

I you cannot already tell, I'm kind of in a funk.

Jealousy is a terrible thing. Which is why I am terrible.

So we all have that one friend that is pretty much better than us at everything... right?
Well, I do.
She is one of my best friends in the world, but she sometimes makes me feel so ugly compared to her.
Don't get me wrong, she always is amazing and compliments me and stuff, it's just. Yeah. I don't even compare to her.
She has the cutest little feet, skinny but not scrawny legs, a cute belly (she's skinnier than me, and eats healthier, too.) nicely shaped arms and hands (she's stronger...) a cute shaped face, pretty eyes, a normal shaped nose, and beautiful hair. All the guys in this freaking town have liked her (or have kind of dated her) and she is so good around guys.
It kills me every time I see more guys (and guys I think are cute but don't notice me) flirting with her. It seriously makes me feel like dirt. I wish I could just yell "HELLO! THERE'S SOME BEAUTIFUL SOMEWHERE IN HERE!"
Yeah,,, I'm having a pity party up in my crib.
Blah.
Also, I've got PMS.
Also also, haha I've gotten too lazy to look up more quotes. So yeah.

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. -Confucius

So recently I've had a wake up call from what my friend Beatrice said to me. I don't remember her exact  writing, but one piece of word really stuck with me. She said that 1) I need to realize that I shouldn't put myself down so much and 2) I can't chamge how I look, so might as well embrace it and act with confidence.
Take my huge nose for example: I'll just think of it as adding contours to my face. My flat chest? All the better for running, plus I honestly don't care if people think my boobs are small, so what? My big feet? Spreads out the surface area for impact while running. +Higher heels without my feet hurting as much?
Screw other people's opinions, man. Plus, all them guys of my running team are like my bros. Plus they let me steal their heat and sleep on them without any weirdness.(:
It still kind of sucks, but screw it.

It has taken me FOREVER to write this! I have been SO SO SO busy with running, babysitting, work and school, it's not even funny. This week I put in about 29 miles! Pluuus I ran two community races this week.

Bonjour,
Rosa

Beauty is only skin deep. -Thomas Overbury

I kind of hate myself a lot.

Life is wasted on the living. -Douglas Adams

I think I am Bozo the Clown and Yoda's lovechild.
I seem to have a knack for cheering people up, or providing insight into people's problems.
It feels good to help.
But, I sure with there was a Rosa for me!

I still feel ugly. Looking around at all these gorgeous girls, that are pretty inside and out, I feel so... Average. It sucks. And even if they're ugly on the inside, at least they're pretty, and have something for them. I just have... Trying to be nice.
Which sucks, because I am forever overlooked. Ugh. I just want to be wanted.
And even the average or okay-ish girls get guys that flirt with them and get boyfriends!
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!

I hate high school.

"Sometimes when I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem."

Sometimes, I just feel really ugly. Inside and out.

I have ugly thoughts about annoying children.
I have ugly thoughts about people.
I have ugly thoughts about myself.
I have ugly thoughts about this town.
I have ugly thoughts about sports.
I have ugly thoughts about ages.
I have ugly thoughts aboout dumb teens.

I have a ugly nose.
I have ugly teeth.
I have ugly arms.
I have ugly, weird legs.
I have ugly boobs.
I have ugly clothes.
I have ugly feet.
I have ugly hair.

I have ugly insecurities and fears.
I have an ugly personality.
I have an ugly voice.
I have a ugly want to always be complimented and praised.
I have a ugly want to please.
I have a ugly want to be wanted.

Sorry, this is depressing, but it's all true.

I keep trying to stop thinking and talking about guys, but why don't they like me?! Every single other friend I have has been whistled to, asked out, or SOMETHING.
I get weird and ugly stalkers.
Arghh.
I just want to feel beautiful.

Rosa.