Beauty is only skin deep. -Thomas Overbury

I kind of hate myself a lot.

"Sometimes when I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem."

Sometimes, I just feel really ugly. Inside and out.

I have ugly thoughts about annoying children.
I have ugly thoughts about people.
I have ugly thoughts about myself.
I have ugly thoughts about this town.
I have ugly thoughts about sports.
I have ugly thoughts about ages.
I have ugly thoughts aboout dumb teens.

I have a ugly nose.
I have ugly teeth.
I have ugly arms.
I have ugly, weird legs.
I have ugly boobs.
I have ugly clothes.
I have ugly feet.
I have ugly hair.

I have ugly insecurities and fears.
I have an ugly personality.
I have an ugly voice.
I have a ugly want to always be complimented and praised.
I have a ugly want to please.
I have a ugly want to be wanted.

Sorry, this is depressing, but it's all true.

I keep trying to stop thinking and talking about guys, but why don't they like me?! Every single other friend I have has been whistled to, asked out, or SOMETHING.
I get weird and ugly stalkers.
Arghh.
I just want to feel beautiful.

Rosa.

A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same. -Elbert Hubbard

Don't you love/hate/love those moments when you can NOT stop giggling? Even in the WORST places? Some of the most pure forms of joy I have. Wait, of course I do... I am talking to myself.

Nothing to do here...

Kidding. Thankfully I find myself funny.

But I really do love giggling, the kind that rolls out of me.

On the other side of things, I hate feeling helpless when I am not able to cheer people up. It's awful to think of the sadness they are feeling. 

What I'm really trying to talk about is friends. These are the wonderful ups and downs to friendship. You give and take, so the average is always the same, that's what makes best friends. I am SO lucky to have several best friends that put up with my bossy-awkward-loud-obnoxious-weird Rosa self. Sometimes, actually a lot, I really do doubt myself and ask WHY THE HECK DO THEY LIKE ME?! But it is because they are wonderful people. I try to return the wonderfulness with honesty and help and advice and compliments. What more can I do?

Like I said, the average is always the same. What goes up, must come down. What goes down, must come up.
=Life.

I really should  go slumber.
De beaux rêves,
-rosa