Life is wasted on the living. -Douglas Adams

I think I am Bozo the Clown and Yoda's lovechild.
I seem to have a knack for cheering people up, or providing insight into people's problems.
It feels good to help.
But, I sure with there was a Rosa for me!

I still feel ugly. Looking around at all these gorgeous girls, that are pretty inside and out, I feel so... Average. It sucks. And even if they're ugly on the inside, at least they're pretty, and have something for them. I just have... Trying to be nice.
Which sucks, because I am forever overlooked. Ugh. I just want to be wanted.
And even the average or okay-ish girls get guys that flirt with them and get boyfriends!
WHAT AM I DOING WRONG?!

I hate high school.

An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience. -Don Marquis

Fake it 'til you make it. 

Pretty much my life story right now. I have to just go through the motions of high school until college, where I know it will get better. I am so glad I have something to motivate myself...

Seriously, I freaking HATE PMS with a passion. I hate being all emotional and stuff. It's buggy.

Anyways, I had just THE BEST day today! *note sarcastic tone* I got to go to the dentist for my braces, but the guy, who was just changing out a freaking POWER CHAIN, 1) took forever 2) didn't have the right tools 3) is really careless and rough, and 4) doesn't do this very often. So a had him GRIPPING at my face try to get the rubber bands on, and digging into my gums, to the point where they had to start dabbing the blood away. 

SERIOUSLY?! Just have your effing assistant do it, she is 10x better! Meanwhile I'm trying not to cry as they stab me with pointy things! So, of course that was a fun time... So, the entire time I was looking forward to a tiny peice of amazing brownie to eat when I got home to get rid of the taste of blood and find that my freaking pig brother ate HALF THE PAN! Meaning, there was none left. At all. So, I crawled into bed and bawled for a while 'cause my gums were still bleeding and my mouth hurt and I was being emotional and feeling crappy, and then had to try to pull it together to go to school. So I slappedd some makeup on and put my hair up so I would at least look average, and had to go through the motions of class, and I got to stress about the inspection for JROTC tomorrow by spending 2 hours in the supply room cleaning. After that, I went over for a National Honor Society meeting and got to stress over memorizing something, adn then got to go to a meeting for JROTC and got to sttress about a presentation I'm supposed to do tomomorrow. Fun! So I take the bus home and am taking my usual shortcut, except everything is melting so I sink in up to my thigh! Which wouldn't have been to bad except I was wearing Chuck's and jeans, so my jeans got wet and my kicks got full of snow and almost got stuck in the snow a couple times. 

God I have this town. 

But yeah. That's it for whining today! 

On the bright side, well... Um. 

I guess one thing to look forward to is going to Fairbanks and the lower 48 in a few weeks. 

Yay. 

I'm so tired of acting happy all the freaking time. 

Toodles.

"Sometimes when I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem."

Sometimes, I just feel really ugly. Inside and out.

I have ugly thoughts about annoying children.
I have ugly thoughts about people.
I have ugly thoughts about myself.
I have ugly thoughts about this town.
I have ugly thoughts about sports.
I have ugly thoughts about ages.
I have ugly thoughts aboout dumb teens.

I have a ugly nose.
I have ugly teeth.
I have ugly arms.
I have ugly, weird legs.
I have ugly boobs.
I have ugly clothes.
I have ugly feet.
I have ugly hair.

I have ugly insecurities and fears.
I have an ugly personality.
I have an ugly voice.
I have a ugly want to always be complimented and praised.
I have a ugly want to please.
I have a ugly want to be wanted.

Sorry, this is depressing, but it's all true.

I keep trying to stop thinking and talking about guys, but why don't they like me?! Every single other friend I have has been whistled to, asked out, or SOMETHING.
I get weird and ugly stalkers.
Arghh.
I just want to feel beautiful.

Rosa.

A lot of people run a race to see who’s the fastest. I run to see who has the most guts. - Steve Prefontaine

I'm not all average, how about sports?

 I  placed  3rd  for high school 1-2-3A 

  girls  for  cross country running, that's 

   not   too  average,  and  I'm  going  to 

    Canada  to  compete  in  a  snowshoe 

     race,  and  I  won skimeister for cross
      country skiing. That's not too average,
        right? 

         Sports  isn't  everything,  although  it's
          gotten    me    most    of   my   friends,
           matured      me,     and     given     me
            experiences  I  cannot  even  begin  to
             talk  about.  I  have  some  of the best,
              and some of the worst memories from
                it.
                 It's given me goals to work hard for.
                  So maybe looks don't matter too much,
                   high  school  isn't  everything.  I  plan to
                    run in college, and hopefully people will
                     see more in me then.
❤,rosa.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness. -John Keats

I think I've come to terms with being average.

I mean, it's not too  bad,
besides the friendzoning,
being  overlooked,   not
having  too  much  of  a
choice  in  dudes,  being
unsure  of   myself,   not
feeling  too   remarkable
and whatnot.

Who am I kidding?
It kinda sucks in some ways, but
not all.
I mean,
Friendships don't get messed up,
I  am  not  suck  hanging  around
with snooty people all the time, I
can be a bro with my guy friends,
I stay  out of trouble, I don't care
if I join nerdy groups, I don't fear
having a bad hair day because no
one notices.
It's got it's ups and downs, but heck. I cannot really change anything.
And hey, I'm not average at everything. I'm  not  average  at running,
skiing,   snowshoeing,   multi-tasking,   being   someone   to  vent to/
shoulder to lean on & working hard.

farewell.
-rosa.♡