In which I'm supposed to be cleaning my room

I'm back from my seven-billionth hiatus from blogging.
Because blogging is much better than doing things you should be doing...
I hope.

Lots has happened, but first of all:

I LOVE IT

I REMADE MY MUTHERFLIPPIN blog. Isn't it hawt? I spent the time I should've been showering doing that. You're welcome.


Anyways, I guess you deserve an update of just... everything. And believe me, there's a lot.

Ah, so I broke up with Troublemaker. There just wasn't any butterflies or gushy feelings toward him, so I just felt like I was faking.  I didn't want to stay with someone just to stay with them, you know? But I don't think I hurt him too much, because practically the next day he was going out with some other girl.

And so skiing! The first weekend of races were way saggy, but then the important races the week after: Duuuude. I hit 8/10! That's like... Double what I've ever hit in all my years of skiing. Annnd so I got first place for that race! ...Which also meant that I earned a spot for ski/biathlon in the 2014 Fairbanks Arctic Winter Games. 
Hell to the yes. 

:)
I also got elected president of youth court.

I also got accepted into RAHI! *deep sigh of relief*

I promise you all a post about RAHI sometime in the near future.
Just not now. 

Sorry not sorry.

I really need to clean my room now.

Goodbye.








Bye.











Stop reading, already!




This is awkward. 









Go. Away now.

Bye.












STOP SCROLLING GODDAMMIT

Troublemaker

So, I suppose I should tell ya'll about some things.
My poor blog. Lonely and untouched... 
I promise I do try and start posts, I just never get around to finishing them. Life is cray cray right now.
Lets talk about my favorite subject for a minute, shall we? 
There once was a guy named Troublemaker (don't worry, he's the complete opposite). He used to live in the lower 48. He then moved to Alaska, to my wonderful hometown. We talked a bit, he talked to other girls, and then last weekend happened. Me, Texas, and Ralayne went to the movie Warm Bodies. Troublemaker and I ended up sitting beside each other, and we made hilarious jokes the entire time. T'was Great fun. Then we started texting and talking. Turns out, we are both interested each other. So this week I have been dog sitting for someone in town, so I've been getting out on walks and and hanging out at the house with him. Alone with an adorable guy? I think yes. :))
I still don't know if we're a thing or not or what, but I definitely don't want to rush into anything.
But I do know I cannot stop thinking about him. Like, a lot. 
c:

In other news, I have been travelling for skiing and did not too shabby in my races!
In other other news, I might get to waitress over spring break! Yeeuh hookups! 

Uhh yeah.

OOOH holycrap.
okayokayokay updates.
*deep breath* I went to Anchorage for a ski race and learned to shoot right handed and hung out with my snowshoe friends and shopped and skiied lots and raced and the I came home and made some cupcakes with my rifle on my back and then I realized that cheerios are just doughnut seeds, and then I applied for a summer program which is stressful and I really want to get in and I got confirmed into my church and then I backed up into a car and cost myself $1,000 bucks to replace a bumper!
*pant*
And theeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen, there was this HUUUGE drama with my ski coach. Not really going to get into that, but yeah. Goody goody gum drops... 
And so so so so ahem, back to the subject I'm ALWAYS talking about on here- males. 
Uhhhuhh.
BigMan is way into me. Yeah, except I have no idea how I feel about him! And I don't know if I would ever want to go out with him so bad that I would have to convince my parents to let me go out with an 18 year old.  
Uhh yeah, so I was going to go to the shooting range with Mr. Mess this weekend, and ooooof course he asks "so is this like a date or something?" Um, no. No thank you.
Then there's Puker, who I have no idea what really happened with. He started texting me and teasing me about my big butt and stuff, and then asked me "What would you say if I asked you out?" And I  told him I wanted to get to  know him better, but he is impossible to text! Ugh though, he's quite cute. But anyways, we were texting a bit before he came here and he was talking real big game and everything, and I barely got so much as a hug when he was here!
Moving on, though!
Yep, there's more! 
I already kind of mentioned Champ, but this weekend we hung out a lot together during the games, and gave each other back massages. Yum yum. But yeah, he's SO cute! I get to hang out with him tonight, we'll see how that goes...
I seriously am all over the freaking place! I cannot seem to figure out any of my feelings.

not with a bang but with a whimper

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Those thoughts that run through your head. That make your heart pound. Not a feeling but a sound.
Down goes the day, and the other seems so far away.
That how you can feel. That's how you can breathe. That's how you can love and give and live and survive. One day at a time. 
Think about it. 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Do you ever feel on top of the world? I have. Then there's that moment that is a weight. Maybe 200 kilos.  Maybe more. Maybe less. It gets tired to your leg. Or maybe arm. Or maybe neck. It drags you down with such force. I  get whiplash. Emotions all crazy. Crazy crazy crazy.
Do you think many people crash and burn? Everyone. Do most people cry and yelp and whine and weep?
Do most people grunt and endure and deal? Do most people whimper? 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

The world tried to end. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Do I believe it? No.
Does the thought scare me?
Yes.

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

2012 is pretty much done.
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.


I stopped talking to BigMan.
Not much to say about that, but:
drinker/partier. Player. Looking for someone to kiss on New Years?

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Champ's done.
?Dating? someone else.

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Sibling fights, tension.
Sucks.

Time well spent or not spent well enough?
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Happy almost birthday, Blog.
Celebrate Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Maybe I should make some resolutions?

Should I?

2012 has been quite the year.

• AWG
• Ski season
• Summer- work
• XC season.
• 2nd place. State. 
• Math at high school.
• Boys, boys, boys.
  Champ, BigMan, Mr.Mess, SisterBrother, Camo, Beast, etc. 
• Self image battling. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
• Blogging. 
• Life
• Siblings at home. 
• Thanksgiving. Christmas. 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

I am teenage living in this teen age.

So I updated my about me... And this happened.

I am Rosa.
I am a runner, skiier, snowshoer.
I am a smeller and chewer 
A ponderer, a doubter 
A friend, a sister and a daughter.
I am a best friend, moral support,
A last resort a liver, a giver, a taker,
A maker, a breaker,
I am a babysitter, a librarian,
A barbarian, (not really) 
A teacher, a student
Looking for improvement 
I am a human.
I am a illusion. 
I am teenage living in the teen age. 

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. -Oscar Wilde

Well, I got a nice surpise today! During the Iditarod I went to the meet the mushers and for the Nugget Iditarod edition newspaper and went through and got a few signed. And by request of my sister, I sent one to her for her to give to her friend, whose mom was a 4th grade teacher of a class that waws learning about the Iditarod and following it. So I gues siit went over pretty wel with them, because I got an envelope in today from them filled with hand written ADORABLE thank you cards, and a t-shirt from their school with all their signatures on the back. It's cool to know small things that you do make a difference.:)
So other then that, things are still crazy and will be for a while. Oh dear. I just love how my weekends fill themselves up! Although this week it will be fun, because tomorrow I'm going pledging with Helga, going for a run and going with a bunch of people to watch a play out local drama club put together. Saturday is the Ski-2-Sea, and Sunday I am FINALLY going to go watch THE HUNGER GAMES! Hopefully I'll get a bunch of people to go then. Yay for fun weekends!

Toodles!

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. -Albert Einstein

The inspection... The inspection. It went... Okay. The inspector is kind of a a-hole. 

Well, I did pretty good for my staff section! And afterwards I ran the four miles home from school in about half an hour, which is pretty good!:)
My mood has improved quite a lot, and my skin is FINALLY starting to clear up a bit! *knock on wood*
Plus my hair has been nice! Anyways, I'm pretty tired. I had youth court today which was SO awkward.
So anyways, tomorrow I have staff meeting and a run, Friday I have pledging for ski team, and a workout, Saturday is the Ski-2-Sea, Monday I meet with my new client for youth court and have a workout, Tuesday I need to go take my permit test,  Wednesday I have National Honor Society practice (still haven't memorized that pledge :S) , Thursday I have staff meeting, then I need to pretty up and go to the induction ceremony for NHS. This is going to be a busy week!
Goodnight!

Everything has been figured out, except how to live. -Jean-Paul Sartre

asdfghjklmnbvcxz
There has been SO much going on this last month! So, a run down:

WMO: Still sick, placed 2nd both days. Super fun otherwise, other then coughing so hard one night I puked.
WISA: Second place the first day only EIGHTEEN SECONDS behind TheLady-_-, and fourth for the biathlon...Not my best race. But next year I'm going to go at it hard, skiing on my off days, doing ab and arm work, etc.  And this summer I am going to shoot lots!
I've also been helping with the ADORABLE fourth graders, and it makes me super  happy how excited they are about skiing.

After I got back from Galena the following week I had HSGQE's, which were a bundle of joy... NOT. It helped me realize how far behind I still am for math, yikes. But yeah, those were long and grueling.

And THEN, I have been attending Youth Court meetings, and staff mettings for JROTC. I have had SO much work to do because I fell very very behind when I missed all those meetings for ski practices, and our super important formal inspection is Tuesday.
Annnd, on top of that, I've had to write an essay and fill out an application for National Honor Society. But I got accepted!
In my very near future I get to look forward to memorizing a pledge, going to NHS practices, and studying for my permit test! Oh dear.
So in short, life has been crazy.
So up at the emotional front, I've been having to deal with bad hair days, pimples, and grandma that had a heart attack. I spent one night crying myself to sleep. Not a fun night.
I can't help but feel very average lately. Maybe guys don't dig me because I'm not easy? 'Cause I don't flirt with everyone I see? Because I'm ugly? Because I don't show my boobs? Because I friendzone people? I wanna shout in their faces that if they like me, JUST GET THE GUTS TO TELL ME. Goodness.

P.S., here are some pictures!

 
Well, goodnight. Or morning, whatever floats your boat.

Beauty is whatever gives joy. -Edna St. Vincent Millay

Yay for colds and sore I.T. bands.
Oh dear.
I leave Thursday for WMO. :S






-Rosa

A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears. -Anne Roiphe

I am a awful person. Dear goodness I have been forgetting to write on here!
Life has been crazy the last couple days getting paperwork finished, skiing, showshoeing schoolwork, reading, reading and more reading!
My Battle of the Books battle is tomorrow! Hopefully we will dominate and make it to the third round, otherwise i will have read 12 books and re-read 6 for nothing...
Oh dear. Tomorrow, hopefully, I will have a long post talking about the battle and such. I'm too tired to write much tonight.
5 more days!
-Rosaت

I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed. -Michael Jordan

Interesting, it says people from Russia and the lower 48 have viewed my blog.
I thought pretty much no one except me read my posts?! #foreveralone
Weird. But oh well!

So I think after ski season is over, I really should get a job. I quite want to start saving extra money for college, especially if I want to go out of state. I really, really, REALLY do not want to have loans and stuff. Even though I hope to get scholarships, I don't want to rely too heavily on them. Plus, once I am done with college it would be nice to not have to worry about money and then I can do whatever pleases me and live wherever.
I cannot wait to be done with high school.

Anyways, I am up waaaay too late. I have to go to church in 9 1/2 hours. Oh dear.

The end!
-rosa.ϡ

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. -Thomas Jefferson

Okay, here’s a super duper long post!
Thursday we were going to go downhill ski at hilltop, but I guess it was closed because of icy conditions. My coach called Alyeska, the ski resort in Girdwood, and got us ski lift tickets and stuff. Man oh man, was it ever magical! After riding the ski lift a couple times and FREAKING out, I finally got used to the feeling and started to enjoy the wonderful-ness of basically floating through the air, watching people pass under me and such. I slowly got parallel turns down and my coach decided to take me and a couple others up on the tram and up to the almost-top of the mountain for some speedy down hills. It was slightly sketchy because of the lack of power, but amazing and fun nonetheless. Afterwards we drove back to Anchorage to swim and sleep.
Friday was much of the same at Alyeska, except my teammate took me down the wrong path and we ended up going down one of the most intense areas, which turned out to be the most fun! I crashed and burn A LOT, but I cannot complain too much. =] After downhill skiing for 5 hours, I decided to call it quits when four big bruises started to develop on my shins. After that we got to go shopping, but we didn’t have too much time, which was a bummer. After that we swam again in the wretched pool with scratchy bottom and sides.
Saturday I got to go to Kincaid, which has magical groomed trails. It was tough to start out with because I had been RUINED by downhill skis. Anyways, another skier that I will have to compete with for skimeister was there to ski with us, and for the first couple miles she was ahead of me. After hearing my coach encourage everyone and just rag on me about going slow, even though I was EXAUSTED and had the WORST cramps. Well, that bugged me. Like a lot. So I pushed HARD though the stomach clenching cramps and went hard, and kept up with my coach to show that I AM fast. But even then, I didn’t hear any “good jobs” or anything that EVERYONE else was getting, which kind of really bothered me, even though it really shouldn’t have. I know it shouldn’t bother me, but it always has that I work SO HARD and finally succeed, and then no one notices. I will admit that I really do need encouragement, because honestly, I have REALLY crappy self-esteem. Most people think I have an ego, but really it’s me trying to convince myself that I am not worthless and crappy at everything, because I never get feedback. I know it sounds dumb, but yeah. I think the reason people think I am whiney is because I am making excuses more to myself then anyone, so I don’t put myself down.
I have never admitted that. Honestly, I have the worst self-esteem. After out long ski we went to the mall, and I swear I ALWAYS feel like the ugly duckling, because my teammates always seem to look cute and I just look…Crappy. That’s why I HAVE TO in my mind succeed in sports, because it’s the only way I can convince myself I am not nothing…If that makes sense.
Anyways, Sunday I had a biathlon snowshoe race, and it reminded me of how much I LOVE running.
Monday morning I had to get up way early for a plane, so I didn’t sleep much at all, and looked crappy, as usual. The entire trip I was always being told I was annoying, bossy and whiney, and one of my teammates said that, aloud in the airport. In front of her parents…And mother…And pretty much everyone could hear. Which was great because EVERYONE then hear pretty much what I am SO EMABARRASSED about, and I truly am trying to work on. What bothered me the most though, was that I always get crap for my proclivities, and not one other person hears about theirs. Which makes me feel even more crappy because I guess I must be really bad. Who knows.
But yeah, I’m kind of just using this blog to put my thoughts in writing, as some sort of diary, I guess. Hopefully some of this makes sense.

Adiós,
-rosa

You can't put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get. -Michael Phelps

Okay, to make up for the missed days, I will post some pictures. Pictures are worth a thousand words, right?

But yeah, I am way too tired to write much right now. I will have a long post tomorrow. Promise.

Caio, 

-rosa.

You can't win unless you learn how to lose. -Kareem Abdul-Jabbar

               It's days like        today that
     make me love skiing!  It was 30 degrees
 again with a little wind, but it wasn't to my front
so... It was magical! (BTW, I have started saying
 magical  instead of  awesome.) I  was  having  a
   not-so-great   morning,  and  it  was  just  the
     thing to get my mood up! I will try to post
        something tomorrow, but I am leaving
         Wednesday   night   until   Monday
             morning, and will not have a
                 computer. I'll for sure
                    have a nice long
                        one then!
                             .

Anyways, back to skiing. As I was saying, it was SO WARM and we did a 5 mile loop, which made me feel SO in shape, and after that we bombed around on hills! Talk about a great practice.


magical magical magical.
rosa.

A lot of people run a race to see who’s the fastest. I run to see who has the most guts. - Steve Prefontaine

I'm not all average, how about sports?

 I  placed  3rd  for high school 1-2-3A 

  girls  for  cross country running, that's 

   not   too  average,  and  I'm  going  to 

    Canada  to  compete  in  a  snowshoe 

     race,  and  I  won skimeister for cross
      country skiing. That's not too average,
        right? 

         Sports  isn't  everything,  although  it's
          gotten    me    most    of   my   friends,
           matured      me,     and     given     me
            experiences  I  cannot  even  begin  to
             talk  about.  I  have  some  of the best,
              and some of the worst memories from
                it.
                 It's given me goals to work hard for.
                  So maybe looks don't matter too much,
                   high  school  isn't  everything.  I  plan to
                    run in college, and hopefully people will
                     see more in me then.
❤,rosa.

A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness. -John Keats

I think I've come to terms with being average.

I mean, it's not too  bad,
besides the friendzoning,
being  overlooked,   not
having  too  much  of  a
choice  in  dudes,  being
unsure  of   myself,   not
feeling  too   remarkable
and whatnot.

Who am I kidding?
It kinda sucks in some ways, but
not all.
I mean,
Friendships don't get messed up,
I  am  not  suck  hanging  around
with snooty people all the time, I
can be a bro with my guy friends,
I stay  out of trouble, I don't care
if I join nerdy groups, I don't fear
having a bad hair day because no
one notices.
It's got it's ups and downs, but heck. I cannot really change anything.
And hey, I'm not average at everything. I'm  not  average  at running,
skiing,   snowshoeing,   multi-tasking,   being   someone   to  vent to/
shoulder to lean on & working hard.

farewell.
-rosa.♡