In which I'm still really bitter about this stuff

To my Mom,
Deep down I'm still really angry that you home schooled me. From when I was little, teaching myself to tie my shoes, to using the big kid potty, to learning how to read, to long division, I had to teach myself or listen to you teach the boys. I understand that you were a very busy mommy of 6 working full time, but there were more options than just homeschooling all of us. The boys really needed you to home school them when they would young and learning how to read, back when they would fly off the handle. But me, I was just a regular little girl that was a little bit advanced for my age. I could have been put in public school when I was little so I could learn important staples of education, like simple editing marks or the FOIL method. I missed those because you were doing the best you could with the boys and the rest of us kids and work. I don't blame you for being busy, or having so many kids, but I do blame you for keeping me at home. I would have thrived in public school, no matter how flawed it was. I could have taken advanced classes and still strived for excellence, because that's my nature. In a way, you held me back by trying to get the best for me. You kept me from becoming socially aware until I started travelling for sports, where I got rudely reminded of all my underdeveloped social quirks that come with homeschooling.
Not to mention that I have now come to hate homeschooling. Not only hate, but I despise it. Every single day, sitting at home and missing out on everything that goes on at the high school is like my own personal Hell. It enables me to procrastinate and to put things off or get away with being lazy. I hate that it makes me like that. I just feel so mad and frustrated the longer I sit at home wasting my time. Don't get me wrong, I love the free time, I really do! I just wish I could spend it with others. I hate that you didn't let me get my schooling for math at the school sooner, no matter your reasons. It's really embarrassing to have to re-take Algebra 2 because I never learned the rules of exponents and such. And I'm not saying that it's all your fault, but really, could you have expected a 13 year old girl to have the self motivation to teach herself Algebra? You got me hating math so much that I started settling for B's. Homeschooling has ruined English for me. I hate every second that I write my papers, the paper that I basically write so it looks like you're doing your job of "teaching" me. Honestly, I can't even remember the last time you tried to teach me something.
Actually, that's a lie. I remember you were trying to teach me pre-algebra and was trying to force me to do a problem your way, which is not the way my brain works. You never got that my learning style was different than all your other kids. You would always tell me, "Trust me, I've taught this to 5 other kids before. I know what I'm doing," and you may have known what you were doing with them, but you didn't with me. So I suffered. And hated math.

Whee isn't life fun?

I think I owe you all (probably a whopping no one) and explanation of my life right now.
We'll so ten million years ago I wrote a post about my trip to Homer, yes? Well there was this one guy there that I kind of got to know and stuff and it turned out that he was a cross country runner too so I kind of kept in touch with him and then we saw each other at a meet a while back and started talking more again. Then by state we were hella flirting and stuff and so I went to a college fair and he drove me up to go to it too and we spent so much time together and held hands and stuff and yeah so we were basically together but then last week I just was done with doing long distance and stuff so I ended that. And then there's this freshman that I thought was pretty cool and we hung out helping out with the haunted house and I wanted to become better friends with him so we  started chatting and my goodness now he is saying he has a small crush and me and stuff and eesh I just wanted to be friends but he is way flirty... So. Oh well. I'll just continue on but I'm definitely not dating him because that would be super weird. I care about what people think of me way too much.

In other news, me and Ralayne (see past posts) aren't friends anymore. We don't even talk. I've written about her making me feel shit and stuff and she did. And she would always get annoyed at me for  everything. It made me feel crappy. So now we aren't friends. Sometimes I really really miss her, though. I don't like not having a complete best friend here, which just makes me want to graduate even more.

Another thing is the hella stress of senior year.... My geography book took forever to come in so I'm behind in that, I'm behind in my personal finance course just because I haven't been doing it, and I had to change literature course so I'm starting from scratch with that. And to top it all off, my laptop has crapped out so I'm typing this on an iPad. Wheee.

Isn't life fun?

:)

I just need to survive to graduation...

I love you all,
Rosa

lies, all lies

 
Just wanted to share these pictures I found on the interwebz.

Ladies, don't tell me you know exactly what I mean. Those Tampax commercials are forking lies.

"I just want to hug some puppies and shit"

LIES, ALL LIES. I refer to this as hell week, because bleeding out of your crevices should not be healthy. 

That explains why this week has been so crappy!

Ohhdeaar.

Anyways, I have actually been looking forward to school this week. It is spirit week, and there are some fun things to dress up for. Monday is nerd day, so I've got suspenders and pocket protectors and my glasses, which I need to find. Not sure what the rest are except Friday is 'Formal Friday' So I can get away with wearing a skirt!



Peace out hombre.

raaaaaaaaaaaaaage.

Today was kind of shitty.
Not the 'could anything get worse than this?' Kind of crappy day, but the 'I don't feel like doing anything today and I have to do a lot but I cannot do the one thing I want to do today.' Yeah.

I think I'm also tired. From staying up to, ya know, one in the morning...

My mom was all stressin' about stuff yesterday and today, so she totally blew me off when I tried to tell her about me reading Poe and when I tried to read her my short response essay, which I'm pretty damn proud of. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it was even worse because she ignored me BOTH TIMES because my brother started talking to her, and we all know he take mothertrucking priority ALL THE TIME. And my mom doesn't even notice anymore.
What happened to being the spoiled baby of the family?

So the ONE THING I was wanting to do today was practice for my divers test which I can take in two weeks, so I texted my dad right after school and asked him, an apparently he tried to call me so he could 'make plans' for his evening, so since I didn't pick up he just ASSUMED I didn't want to, even though I didn't answer my cell because I was doing math and I left my phone in my bag so I wouldn't get distracted. So I asked my sister, and she said she would take me after I got my math and history done, so I cranked it out, motivated by the fact that I could FINALLY go driving and get some much needed practice, and we go out to the car and the fucking battery doesn't fucking work anymore.
Just my luck. So I rushed to get my homework done for now freaking reason, and I just feel crappy now.
I just wanted to do ONE thing... Annnnd on top of that my mom refuses to let me schedule a road test yet because she "doesn't have time to think about it right now." So what the fuck, am I just not going to get my license? ME GETTING IT WILL SAVE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME! Seriously.
Adiii.
So yeah, raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage. Sorry about the rant, but it's all freaking true.

And whoohooo, I also get to take the PSAT's tomorrow. At 8:30 in the morning. Yaaaaaay...
-_-

I hope your day was 10x better than mine.

Rosa

A lifetime of training for just ten seconds. [20 minutes] -Jesse Owens

So recently, I've actually had a life. Well, at least on weekends.
Shocker, right?
This past 6 or 7 weeks have been awesome!
I've gone to salmon lake and bridge jumped, hiked to Dorthy Falls, hiked some more, ran races, fireweed picked, gone tundra tea picking, had movie nights, had bonfires, gone swimming, gone out to eat and gone fishing!
Last year, the interns for the day camp type thingy we're all pretty uppity and stuff, but this year they were all so much fun! I made friends with all of them, pretty much.
Most weekdays I was stuck working and running, but pretty much every day all weekend I would go do stuff, despite most of my friends being out of town travelling and doing fun stuff.  I also made friends with some other cool highschoolers. I've also gotten the oppurtunity to go driving a lot, so I've gotten practice driving out of town, in town, and on our one highway. I'm not quite ready for summer to end and for reality (and school) to set in. I am so crazy far behind, it terrifies me.

On  brighter note, XC started Monday! I lalalaloooove running <3
We have SO many people on our team!

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, this month has been crazy...
Oh, you want to hear what I've been up to?
*Deep breath*
Weeeeeeeeeeell...
Since last month I've beendoing lots of planning and prepping, I was applying for a biathlon rifle to practice marksmanship, I was planning JROTC's military ball, I was lining up a job at the public library for this summer, I was applying for working at a day camp again, I was  running and doing school. And theeeen, I left Nome behind for a week and a half.
My trip:
My mom, TheBoy and I flew into Anchorage and hopped on the road and drove for 8 hours to Fairbanks, and I got to stop by the dorms and hang out with GhostBaby, and then we went and crashed at our hotel.
The next few days went by fast with arguements, Graduations, and helping GhostBaby pack up his dorm... P.S., it was pretty cool to hang out in the dorm room.
After that we drove to Delta Junction to visit with my brother and his fiancee, and we went out for a nice dinner and ooooof course everyone was arguing. Again. But we love eachother. My mom, my sister, and my brother's fiancee and I went to the cute little bed and breakfast and stayed in a fancy cabin.
The next day, we went on the road (AGAIN) and drove back to Anchorage.
Folloing some rest at the hotel, we hopped in the van and went to David's Bridal to pick out a bridesmaid dress for me... THAT was a weird expirience for me, because you can't evaluate the dress prior to exiting the dressing room because there's no mirror, so you could look stupid and not knw it until everyone else has seen you. After that we went to Men's Wrehouse and then drove to Alyeska so my mom could check out the wedding venue.
The following day was flying day to go to Portland, and we got to visit my grandparents.
Friday we got to go to the Nike Employee Store and I got hooked up with a crap ton of gear which I REALLY needed. And then we got to go to Ross Dress for Less and got real cute and cheap stuff there. Anf then I got to run and go swimming(:
The next day was the graduation party at my aunt's really nice house, and let me tell you: my family rocks...
So my cousins are all quite older than me, and most are over 21. So the start playing beer pong RIGHT beside my aunts and uncles and grandparents... And then my DAD walks over and asks to be taught how to play... The day was filled with hanging out with lots of family and ping pong and basketball and frisbee with silly names. I love my family.

...Which brings me to today, and I'm finally sitting home in my own house, and I have a job interveiw, receiveing and shooting my rifle and meeting with BossLady about my job at the library and the last week of school!

So... Yeah. Life has been busy.

A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears. -Anne Roiphe

I am a awful person. Dear goodness I have been forgetting to write on here!
Life has been crazy the last couple days getting paperwork finished, skiing, showshoeing schoolwork, reading, reading and more reading!
My Battle of the Books battle is tomorrow! Hopefully we will dominate and make it to the third round, otherwise i will have read 12 books and re-read 6 for nothing...
Oh dear. Tomorrow, hopefully, I will have a long post talking about the battle and such. I'm too tired to write much tonight.
5 more days!
-Rosaت