Whee isn't life fun?

I think I owe you all (probably a whopping no one) and explanation of my life right now.
We'll so ten million years ago I wrote a post about my trip to Homer, yes? Well there was this one guy there that I kind of got to know and stuff and it turned out that he was a cross country runner too so I kind of kept in touch with him and then we saw each other at a meet a while back and started talking more again. Then by state we were hella flirting and stuff and so I went to a college fair and he drove me up to go to it too and we spent so much time together and held hands and stuff and yeah so we were basically together but then last week I just was done with doing long distance and stuff so I ended that. And then there's this freshman that I thought was pretty cool and we hung out helping out with the haunted house and I wanted to become better friends with him so we  started chatting and my goodness now he is saying he has a small crush and me and stuff and eesh I just wanted to be friends but he is way flirty... So. Oh well. I'll just continue on but I'm definitely not dating him because that would be super weird. I care about what people think of me way too much.

In other news, me and Ralayne (see past posts) aren't friends anymore. We don't even talk. I've written about her making me feel shit and stuff and she did. And she would always get annoyed at me for  everything. It made me feel crappy. So now we aren't friends. Sometimes I really really miss her, though. I don't like not having a complete best friend here, which just makes me want to graduate even more.

Another thing is the hella stress of senior year.... My geography book took forever to come in so I'm behind in that, I'm behind in my personal finance course just because I haven't been doing it, and I had to change literature course so I'm starting from scratch with that. And to top it all off, my laptop has crapped out so I'm typing this on an iPad. Wheee.

Isn't life fun?

:)

I just need to survive to graduation...

I love you all,
Rosa

we could be the talk across the town

I just need to get through the next two boring weeks and then I'll have some juicy things to talk about. I promise.
In the meantime, ohmygod it's my face.

holy shnitzel

Love soaking in beautiful sights. 

Yeah, so I went to Homer, AK this past weekend for a Youth Court Conference. 

It was kickin'. 

So many so very odd people that are so comfortable with who they are and how they are, I loved it. 

...And a few very attractive-looking guys. 

I've seem to have developed a defensive shield of flirty-ness and have become this player girl that flirts with everyone. 

I feel like I have to compensate for the things I don't like about myself with the things I know I rock. 

I sit around in self-reflection and realize how much of a cocky prick I've become, while deep down I still see myself as this odd-looking awkward little girl. 

And I don't even know.

I don't even know how I WANT to act! Is Rosa a flirt? Is she awkward? Is she a crazy mofo? I just dunno mayne.

I'll tell you if I ever figure that out. 

It's kind of getting pretty bad, because I had a couple of the most quirky, sweet guys on the hook in Homer and all I wanted to do was flirt with no regrets, except I kind of forget people still have feelings.  Crazy, I know! Who would have thought? 

in which my title has nothing to do with the post

Most people here in rural Alaska (small towns and villages) have their cousins and aunts and uncles and grandparents and second cousins around for all sorts of get-togethers, or are a short flight away from each other.
Everyone is so close to one another, and they always have stories and wisdom from their grandparents. My family's the same way, except I'm thousands of miles away. Tickets don't come cheap, so I usually see all my extended family once a year, if that. It's tough because other that my parents and siblings and I, everyone else is pretty close to one another in Oregon and Washington, making it easy to have Christmas/Thanksgiving/Easter get-togethers.
I feel a little cheated from my family because of missing all of that and seeing lots of pictures on Facebook. As I've gotten older, my grandparents seem even more fragile, even more shaky and even more old. They're in their 80's, and it's hard not to think about how little time they have left.

Now I'm sad and I can't even end this post properly, so I'll... just. Go now.
Okay?

Okay, maybe I'll leave you with a joke or something, so I'm not a total downer.

In which I'm supposed to be cleaning my room

I'm back from my seven-billionth hiatus from blogging.
Because blogging is much better than doing things you should be doing...
I hope.

Lots has happened, but first of all:

I LOVE IT

I REMADE MY MUTHERFLIPPIN blog. Isn't it hawt? I spent the time I should've been showering doing that. You're welcome.


Anyways, I guess you deserve an update of just... everything. And believe me, there's a lot.

Ah, so I broke up with Troublemaker. There just wasn't any butterflies or gushy feelings toward him, so I just felt like I was faking.  I didn't want to stay with someone just to stay with them, you know? But I don't think I hurt him too much, because practically the next day he was going out with some other girl.

And so skiing! The first weekend of races were way saggy, but then the important races the week after: Duuuude. I hit 8/10! That's like... Double what I've ever hit in all my years of skiing. Annnd so I got first place for that race! ...Which also meant that I earned a spot for ski/biathlon in the 2014 Fairbanks Arctic Winter Games. 
Hell to the yes. 

:)
I also got elected president of youth court.

I also got accepted into RAHI! *deep sigh of relief*

I promise you all a post about RAHI sometime in the near future.
Just not now. 

Sorry not sorry.

I really need to clean my room now.

Goodbye.








Bye.











Stop reading, already!




This is awkward. 









Go. Away now.

Bye.












STOP SCROLLING GODDAMMIT

i don't even know

It feels like I’ve been put in another Rosa’s body doing normal Rosa things and saying non Rosa things, and it’s just not clicking for me. Rosa has too much in her brain. All she wants to do in run and run for miles and only focus on my sore feet and chilly breath. She wants to clear her brain, just to shake out all the fuzzy things.

phew

Let me just sit here and decompress for a second.





This week was supposed to be spring break, correct? 
Let me just say: there was nothing "break" about this week.
I scored a job waitressing every night while school was out, and let me just say: however hard you think waitressing is, it's that. Much. Worse. 
Upside: $$$$$ making bank, man.
Milking the tourists that were here for Iditarod for all that they were worth.
Got a few compliments on how well I was doing, and consumed a large amount of soft serve and fries.
Rosa also worked concessions shifts, did safety patrol in the middle of the nights, watched mushers come in, got mushers signatures, skiied and raced.
I think I might've gone a little crazy from sleep deprivation.
It's okay though. It's really really awesome to know I can get through that.
I feel pretty dang proud. 

I'd like to dedicate the rest of my blog post to talking about something completely different:
The fact that I am now dating someone. 
Crazy. 
After we started going to movies and holding hands and such, people would go up to me and say "I didn't know you had a  boyfriend?? Why didn't you tell me??" Well, for starters, I didn't set out in search of a boyfriend. I'm not dating Troublemaker to fill some void in my life, because I was lonely, or God knows what.
It just... happened. And I don't understand why people expect people to basically BRAG about having a boyfriend, like it is some sort of achievement or something. Yes, he makes me happy, but I didn't set out on a mission to "get" him. It was a mutual thing that just kinda blossomed into a relationship.
My favorite thing about him and us is that we're still so very determined and have our own lives and can function without each other. We understand that we have commitments and sometimes have to do other important things, but we both know that we are so very important to each other. That is so very rare and amazing to find. (:
I've got to go put in my third load of laundry, so I promise I shall write more soon.
I hope.

not with a bang but with a whimper

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Those thoughts that run through your head. That make your heart pound. Not a feeling but a sound.
Down goes the day, and the other seems so far away.
That how you can feel. That's how you can breathe. That's how you can love and give and live and survive. One day at a time. 
Think about it. 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Do you ever feel on top of the world? I have. Then there's that moment that is a weight. Maybe 200 kilos.  Maybe more. Maybe less. It gets tired to your leg. Or maybe arm. Or maybe neck. It drags you down with such force. I  get whiplash. Emotions all crazy. Crazy crazy crazy.
Do you think many people crash and burn? Everyone. Do most people cry and yelp and whine and weep?
Do most people grunt and endure and deal? Do most people whimper? 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

The world tried to end. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Do I believe it? No.
Does the thought scare me?
Yes.

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

2012 is pretty much done.
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.


I stopped talking to BigMan.
Not much to say about that, but:
drinker/partier. Player. Looking for someone to kiss on New Years?

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Champ's done.
?Dating? someone else.

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Sibling fights, tension.
Sucks.

Time well spent or not spent well enough?
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Happy almost birthday, Blog.
Celebrate Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Maybe I should make some resolutions?

Should I?

2012 has been quite the year.

• AWG
• Ski season
• Summer- work
• XC season.
• 2nd place. State. 
• Math at high school.
• Boys, boys, boys.
  Champ, BigMan, Mr.Mess, SisterBrother, Camo, Beast, etc. 
• Self image battling. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
• Blogging. 
• Life
• Siblings at home. 
• Thanksgiving. Christmas. 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Some musings.

So last night I got to thinking and wrote down some of it. I felt pretty dang wise.
Here's some of the best things I thought of. :

• Love everyone, because you never know if they need to be loved or if you need to love.
• Do we live to be happy or are we happy because we live?
• Maybe adults don't grow up to learn the truth, but grow up to learn to lie.
• Sometimes it's okay to not understand. 

Let me expand a little bit on these.
"Love everyone, because you never know if they need to be loved or if you need to love." Sometimes you need a reminder that you are a wonderful person, and it does the heart & soul good to be kind and caring of other people.

"Do we live to be happy or are we happy because we live?" Is the purpose of life to be happy? I strongly believe those who are not afraid to live and experience things and want to TRY are the happiest people. So what if you fail? What if you succeed?

"Maybe adults don't grow up to learn the truth, but grow up to learn to lie."
Sometimes you need a child to see the truth. They have no filter. They're not afraid to speak the truth, because they don't know bad things could happen. What if I told you the human being created an atmosphere to where you cannot always be honest, and a child just hasn't learnt it yet? I think they have it the best. Even though we like to protect them from scary monsters and bad dreams, really THEY are the most courageous. 

"Sometimes it's okay to not understand."
You don't have to know everything. And if you did, wouldn't it be tiring? Wouldn't you miss being curious and adventurous?

Just some food for thought.
:)

Ta ta.