Friday, July 31, 2015

Just a little somethin

I have a spot to smile
And a spot to frown

I have a spot to be happy
And a spot to be down

I have a spot to hug
And a spot to love

I have a spot to talk
And a spot to be above

I have a spot to think
And a spot to have peace

I have a spot to be serious
And a spot to tease

I have a spot to get lost
And a spot to stay still

I have a spot to be unsure
And a spot to have a will

I have a spot to work
And a spot to rest

I have a spot to study
And a spot to take a test

I have a spot to create
And a spot to destroy

I have a spot to feel sadness
And a spot to feel joy

I have a spot to comfort
And spot to be mean

I have a spot to stay hidden
And a spot to be seen

There are spots to exist
That have been created

It's better to love them
Then let them be hated



Thursday, July 16, 2015

My Summer

Warm sleep
Heavy head
Cozy feet
Wild dreams
Wake up
I want
Coffee cup
Get dressed
7 AM
Already stressed
Sleepy eyes
Eat food
Eyes drowsy
Grumpy mood
Eggs, bacon

Bathroom taken
Walk outside
Work time
How do
I'm fine
Lunch break
Eat more
Moldy bread
Apple core
Clean counter
Wash dishes
Work more
Grant wishes
Take less
Give much
Try hard
Gentle touch
Voice kind
Voice mean
Actions watched
Actions seen
Watch it.
End day
So tired
Wanna lay
Not yet
Gotta train
Sometimes fun
Sometimes pain
Try, Satisfaction
Tough day
Finally over
Gotta say
Tomorrow brings
Better effort
Try again
Focus, sort
Process, relax
Dreaming of
Forgotten fax
Try again
Clean slate
Time passed
New date

Monday, May 18, 2015

I'm Back (kind of) Part 2

Hello people.

So anyways, at the end of summer I went to a Christian University in Oregon. Crazy to think that was almost a year ago! I came here on a cross country and running scholarship, which is pretty rad. I'm quite blessed to be paid to run. Since then, running has given me so much. I am so thankful. My team has become my best friends and biggest supporters, and through my team I met my boyfriend who I have been dating about half a year. Dang! I feel so different than the freshman in high school that started a blog about her insecurities and boys. You guys, it gets better. I promise. Obviously I don't feel as if I am the most beautiful girl in the world, but I have learned that it is not fair to myself to constantly compare myself and put myself down. I have learned to be confident and to just embrace myself. It is just a more satisfying way to live. I am so grateful for everything that I have, and through my college I have learned a ton about God and my relationship with Him, which is also pretty cool, because God is a pretty cool person. So yeah.
Life is pretty cool, especially after I got through high school.

Sunday, May 17, 2015

I'm Back (kind of) Part 1

Hello people of the internet. I have been gone for a long time. In all honesty I forgot I had a blog. Sorry. I think that I began growing out of writing about boys and my insecurities and so subconsciously I just stopped. I've read and re read some of my posts, and I feel like I am a completely different person now.
I graduated from high school in May, and since then I think there has been a lot of self growth, beginning two days after my graduation. I boarded a plane to see my mom's mom for the last time. Witnessing my mom heartbroken and scared made me want to mature and forgive my mom for not always doing things perfectly for me. The visit showed me that my mom was very much human, and that she is still her mom's daughter. She spent the summer with her mother helping her through her last days, and I learned to become a support system for her. At the end of summer, my grandma passed away. Again, I flew down to be there for my mom again. Through it all I got so many lessons in humility. I have a quote by C.S. Lewis written down in my journal that says something like "Humility is not thinking less of yourself. It is thinking of yourself less." I have had a lot of lessons in humility... I'm still learning.

Tuesday, February 25, 2014

IOU

I pride myself on being independent and strong. It's who I am. I do things by myself for myself. I don't much enjoy people commanding me to do things, or having to answer to people about my life. It's how I have always been, and how I have had to be growing up in my house. 
But, because I'm the youngest and one of the last ones in my parents household, my mom is having a lot of trouble letting go. I'm being spoiled and I don't like it, I'm not used to it, and I don't want it. I don't like having people pay for things for me, or doing things for me, but my mom insists on doing both. It's her way to get into my life and to control me. 
I hate needing her to pay for things for me. I end of having this enormous debt to my parents that I can never pay back, so I just kind of forever owe them things. It's not exactly something I desire, so I'm trying to make a lot of money to slowly separate myself from them. Which sucks, but is essential for my sanity.

Also, quick mention that this is my 100th post on here! Wow, that's a lot of my ranting and whining and thinking. :) 

Sunday, February 16, 2014

To No One


I miss the shakes before we aren't sure what to do
I miss the moment right before we kiss
I miss kissing and wanting to get closer
I really miss touching your lips with my fingers
I miss the moment after you pull away when my face gets hot
Then the feeling afterwards when I want to melt