Monday, December 31, 2012

not with a bang but with a whimper

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Those thoughts that run through your head. That make your heart pound. Not a feeling but a sound.
Down goes the day, and the other seems so far away.
That how you can feel. That's how you can breathe. That's how you can love and give and live and survive. One day at a time. 
Think about it. 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Do you ever feel on top of the world? I have. Then there's that moment that is a weight. Maybe 200 kilos.  Maybe more. Maybe less. It gets tired to your leg. Or maybe arm. Or maybe neck. It drags you down with such force. I  get whiplash. Emotions all crazy. Crazy crazy crazy.
Do you think many people crash and burn? Everyone. Do most people cry and yelp and whine and weep?
Do most people grunt and endure and deal? Do most people whimper? 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

The world tried to end. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Do I believe it? No.
Does the thought scare me?

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

2012 is pretty much done.
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

I stopped talking to BigMan.
Not much to say about that, but:
drinker/partier. Player. Looking for someone to kiss on New Years?

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Champ's done.
?Dating? someone else.

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Sibling fights, tension.

Time well spent or not spent well enough?
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Happy almost birthday, Blog.
Celebrate Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Maybe I should make some resolutions?

Should I?

2012 has been quite the year.

  • AWG
  • Ski season
  • Summer- work
  • XC season.
  • 2nd place. State. 
  • Math at high school.
  • Boys, boys, boys.
    Champ, BigMan, Mr.Mess, SisterBrother, Camo, Beast, etc. 
  • Self image battling. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
  • Blogging. 
  • Life
  • Siblings at home. 
  • Thanksgiving. Christmas. 
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Tuesday, December 11, 2012


Um, what?
Seriously, can someone tell me what's going on? Because I sure don't know. Lets start somewhere.

SisterBrother- Well, it sucks so freaking much it isn't even funny. I'm starting to realize now that no matter what, things are never going to work. Which makes me sad, because he makes me so happy. But he drinks, which worries me and he smokes sometimes, I guess. Which is yuck. And then there's the fact that he's a major horndog. Like he sleeps around with lots of girls and is all experienced, which I obviously am not. Not that I would sleep with him of course, but yeah.

Okay, new people to add to my dilemmas!
-Meet Mr.Mess. I am pretty sure he likes me. What?
Yeah.  He wanted to take me to the movies this weekend, thankfully my schedule didn't work to go with him. Don't get me wrong, he's cool, but just... I don't want to lead him on because I'm not really interested. I've heard that he is can be clingy and kind of bugging.

-Meet Champ.
We were going to also go watch a movie a couple weekends ago, but my mom didn't want me out because I had "already been out too much this weekend." What the heck? But anyway, I have no freaking clue if hes interested in me. He's cute, and has potential. He's friendly, and hugs me every day in the hallway, but I'm not sure he sees me like that.

-Meet BigMan.
He's in college. Dang, right?
Started texting me at random and calling me pretty. He's origionally from here, and is coming to visit for break. He asked me to *drumroll* go to the movies with him.
You're asking a high school girl? there are ten million pretty girls at the college he's at.  Why me? I have the sinking feeling he needs a rebound or this is a prank or SOMETHING, but it definitely is weird.

So, yeah.
Did I all the sudden become attractive towards guys? Like what's so great about me now that makes the more attracted?
I also kind of don't really know how to handle all this attention? It's weird. I feel like I'm pretending to be a normal teenager.

I feel so freaking boy crazy! I'm annoying the crap out of myself.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

The best thing about the future is that it comes one day at a time. -Abraham Lincoln

While I was at my brother's wedding, someone approached me and told me something along the lines of "a smile is the window into someone's soul." He then told me I had a beautiful smile and that I shouldn't be shy to show it off. Wat.
I hadn't realized this until while I was slow dancing with SisterBrother, and he asked me, "Why do you always look away when you smile? Your smile is beautiful." Well shucks. :)
It definitely didn't start that way, I'll tell you that. And obviously you know, dear reader, the terrible woes of my braces. I am so thankful to have beautiful teeth. But I think it's more than that. I am usually a very joyful person. Therefore I express this through my facial expressions. I think I started looking away when I smile quite some time ago, because I was very self-conscious about my teeth. I didn't want anyone to see, well, how unattractive they were. I guess I have to get over this now.

It's starting to weird me out with how much attention I have been getting from guys recently. Just last night I got a message on Facebook saying hello from someone I haven't really talked to since he graduated last year. Weird much? But the weirdest part of all was that after I answer his question of how have I been doing with "Good," he said "You're looking good ;)" And then when I told him I had to go to bed he told me "Goodnight beautiful." 
Annnd, this other guy at school has been texting me and we almost went to a movie together last weekend, and he will tell me about how my hugs make his day and stuff.

It's like my the whole male atmosphere has been changing, but I don't really feel like I've changed? 

P.S., I got a new necklace. Easily my new favorite.

Look, pictures!!

Thursday, November 15, 2012

i'm kind of a messy person.


The sad thing is, is that it doesn't take very long at ALL for it to get this bad. And this picture doesn't even capture the worst spot.

Anyways, so tonight while attempting to gargle my mouthwash apparently I did it wrong because it started to slip down my throat! Ahh the burn-_-. Only me.

21. If you could fly or breathe under water what would you prefer?
22. Name a favorite sound, past or present.
Kids/Babies giggling.
23. I'm at my silliest when:
I'm around my close friends.
24. What do you love most about living in this country?
The people?
25. Once I ran away from home. Here's the story...
Well, one time I was super mad at my brother, so I decided to scare him and say I was running away, so I walked out of the house and hid in the grass 100 yards from my house. My mom was SO mad at me..
26. Would you dare to sleep in haunted house overnight?
I guess, as long as I wasn't alone!
27. What is the funniest story your mother tells about you?
Well, one time I got into the flour with my brother and was playing in it like a sandbox, complete with little piles of the stuff on my head.
28. You have to wear a t-shirt with one word on it for the rest of your life. Which word do you choose?
29.What is the farthest road trip you have taken? To where and how long was it?
Washington to Couer d'Lane, 6 and then 8 hours?
30. I still can't believe I once:
Went to a different country!

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

there once was a girl,

There once was a girl that loves to read books about cheesy teen romances. She read them with longing, jealously, and wanting. Wanting to be somewhere that there weren't the same people at school every day and where the variety of people was better, where it is harder for the school to know your business. Jealousy for the beautiful girls that don't know their beauty or do and have guys left and right. For their effortlessness in situations. Longing for someone special to make me happy, longing for the confirmation I crave.
Now, this same girl has grown and aged and become more wise, but all those things she wanted she still wants. She wants to feel beautiful and not self conscious, she wants guys to see her for who she is. She wants to have that effortless grace and beauty. She wants to meet better, sweeter guys that she reads about in her books. The ones who don't drink and party and smoke pot, who don't flirt with anything that breathes. She wants that fictional perfect guy.
She's been trying to feel good about herself, but it is a daily struggle.
She blames the town, she blames her genetics, she blames God, and she blames herself.
"If only my nose was a little smaller," "My eyes more colorful,"
She just wishes she could change things.
It's poisonous. 
Change how she sees herself, how other people see her and change her surroundings. But she knows this wont happen overnight.
So she tries.
And tries. And it gets a little better, day by day.
She tries.

Friday, November 9, 2012

And to yourself you sometimes say "I never knew it was gonna be this way why didn't they tell me the day I was born?" -Bob Dylan

 I'm cheating again. 

11. What is your best personal characteristic?
Probably my kindness.
12. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do?
Follow a guy around all day.
13. My biggest pet peeve is...
Being late.
14. Can you comfortably eat in a restaurant by yourself? Go to movie?
I don't think so.
15. What is the craziest (or stupidest) thing you have ever done?
I dropped a 100 lb. table on my toe and fractured it when I was about 8.
16. If you wrote a book about yourself...what would it be about?
My stupid adventures and embarrassing stories.
17. What is your best scar? Tell the story of how you got it.
My coolest one I have is on my elbow, I was at a friends house and they had this one bike that always made people crash, but me being the dumb kid I was decided to try and see for myself and I fell and cut my elbow and hands and hip.
18.  You have multiple personalities, describe some of them.
A) Mature, take charge Rosa B) Breaking lots of rules Rosa C) Around my closest friends Rosa D) Around strangers Rosa E) Around acquaintances Rosa F) Around old people Rosa G) In class Rosa
19. What is one thing about you people would be surprised to learn?
That I swear. A lot.
20. What takes you out of your comfort zone?
Crowds of people I don't know, having to wait without anything to do, dates.

Monday, November 5, 2012


Today I was brave.
My mom doesn't like ripped jeans.
I think they look kind  of cool.
So, I had an experiment  today.
And guess what? She didn't say a word.
I wore them with a classy toned down sweater to balance out the scruffy-ness.
Yep, I pretty much rock.
And of course being the smart Alaskan I was, I wore some leggings underneath to counter the cold weather.

I'm being a lazy-butt and not wanting to think of another story to tell you, so I shall just answer some and cheat and use prompts.
1. What was the best thing that happened to you this weekend?
Uhm, I got spending money. I ordered two pairs of shoes

2. What is your favorite color? List three adjectives to explain your choice
Yellow. Happy. Joy. Bright.

3. It's a very hot and muggy day. You desperately want something very cool and refreshing to quench your thirst and revitalize your body. What would you drink -- either make your own or store-bought.
Water FTW

4.  What would you leave in your will for the person you care about the most?
Everything I had.

5. What do you consider to the most valuable thing you own: when you were a child/now?
Child: My doll, Sandy. Couldn't sleep without her. Now: Probably my computer.

6. What's the kindest act you have ever seen done (either to/by you or another)?
Whenever someone helps an elder.

7. What makes you feel the most secure?

8. Who do you admire the most?
And my parents.

9. Have you ever had a reoccurring dream? What was it
Falling! Ugh all the time.

10. When was the last time you did something for the first time?  What was it?
I drove one handed for the first time today. 

Saturday, November 3, 2012

tips from one high school runner to another.

So I figured I would write down some of the wisdom over my years of running. Here goes:
The pre-race basics:
1) Drink a crap-ton of water. No joke, 6 oz. every half hour the day before and a few hours before the race start slowing down so you don't have to pee during the race (BAD, BAD IDEA. (I've had to learn this one the hard way...)) 
2) Eat a small, but hearty/healthy meal the day before. Fish is probably the best thing you could possibly eat, and you could pair it with something else to make it more filling like scallops. Make sure to eat 2 different kinds of veggies, one cooked and one raw (like roasted brussel sprouts and cucumbers.) The day of make sure you eat SOMETHING, but not too much that it will stay in your stomach. Bananas and bagels are my favorite. 
3) VISUALIZE. I know everybody keeps saying that, and I didn't really listen or get it until this year, but visualize your course, how you will push up hills and flats, think about the pain you'll feel and the pain in your chest from breathing so hard and the dizziness in your head from oxygen deprivation. Visualize the end of your race and your kick. What helps me is to think "Who wants it more?" 
During the race:
4) You have to mentally prepare yourself to destroy your opponents. Don't show your pain. Accept it, but don't let them know you're hurting just as much as you. It tricks your mind and your opponent into thinking you're not actually hurting. 
5) Be ruthless. Don't be afraid to push past someone for the better spot in the course. 
6) Last of all, own the race. Not being cocky, but know this is YOUR RACE. You have to know this will be your best race yet.

Are you frightened by perfection? -Plushgun

Dat feeling when you're laughing your head off and succeeded to make another certain girl who was really sad to laugh her head off as well.
Yeah, I should like, get a grammy or something in cheering people up.
The thing is, in the process of cheering them up I am cheering myself up too. It this fabulous cycle of happiness.

Thursday, November 1, 2012

Sometimes the people who smile the most are just the best at hiding their sadness.


Not really the good kind, either.

Today was my godfathers birthday and the anniversary of his passing two years ago. I miss him.
&&&I completely botched the parallel parking part of my drivers test and failed. FUCK.

So yeah.
Curling up with a book and taking a nap helped, though.
I sure did a lot of crying today though, my poor puffy eyes.

So not to sound like a badass, but one time I jaywalked in front of a police car. Just sayin'.
Also heh heh, my 69th post.. Good gosh I'm immature.

Wednesday, October 31, 2012

lattice, lace and your beautiful face.

so. SO. I made a twitter page for a fruit called a bilimbi. Why? No idea. @realbilimbi, if you must know. I even downloaded a picture of the fruit. FYI, they're green. Just in case you were wondering...
I was looking at Quinceanera stuff today for some reason. Why? No clue. 
Rosa's embarrassing story for the day:
Last winter during ski season we flew to a interior village for races, and as I was exiting the plane, my feet flew out from under me and I fell on my butt. There was a whole group of people from a village there that saw me. Smoooooooooooooth. Who needs first steps in new places when you can have first falls?! Ohdear.
So I have my drivers test Thursday! I am pretty nervous. I mean, I know I can do it and stuff, but I am afraid to hope too much for it just in case I don't pass. You know? Keep my disappointment to a minimum.
So tomorrow I'm going to put a band-aid on my butt and be a "pain in the butt."
BAM. 25 girly push ups and two sets of planks just cause? In addition to an hour and a half of running and climbing and squats and sit ups. BEAST, finally. I lost my drive for a while...
 Yup. That is indeed a unicorn tattoo. It GLOWS IN THE DARK.
Peace, love and some bilimbis...

Tuesday, October 30, 2012

ICE what you did there;)

So.. the 31 day music challenge. In one day.
Day 1 - A song that’s stuck in your head right now
Shake Senora- Pitbull
Day 2 - A song that always makes you happy
All Want Is You- Barry Louis Ploisar
Day 3 - A song that makes you want to cry
Cancer- My Chemical Romance
Day 4 - A song you listen to when you’re pissed
Gravity Rides Everything- Modest Mouse
Day 5 - A song that would not be appropriate at church
Church- T-Pain
Day 6 - Your favorite Disney song
Be Our Guest- The Beauty and the Beast
Day 7- A song you wish was never made and want to DESTROY!!
Boyfriend- JB
Day 8 - A song that isn’t well known, but should be known by the world
None Shall Pass- Aesop Rock
Day 9 - A song your parents play that always gets on your nerves
Nothing, my parents work at a radio station. They're coo.
Day 10 - A song with an amazing music video
Cancer again. -My Chemical Romance
Day 11 - The song that relates the most to your life right now
You Could Be Happy- Snow Patrol
Day 12 - A song you would like to learn how to play on instruments
Fire- Augustana
Day 13 - Your favorite TV theme song
Secret- Peirces
Day 14 - The song with the worst lyrics
Friday- Rebcca Black
Day 15 - The song with the best lyrics
The Times They Are A-Changin'- Bob Dylan
Day 16 - A song you would like to dedicate to someone you HATE ;)
Your Name Here- Atmosphere
Day 17 - A song that never gets old
Ballad of a Politition
Day 18 - A song that makes you laugh
I Kissed a Girl- Katy Perry
Day 19 - The most beautiful song
Canon in D
Day 20 - A song with TERRIBLE singing
Any of Niki Minaj's.
Day 21 - The best love song
Our Song- Taylor Swift
Day 22 - DOUBLE DAY! Pick TWO songs that showcase your variety in music. Pick one song that shows the lightest music you like, and the heaviest.
Darkest: Who I'll Never Be- Atmosphere; lightest: Pumped Up Kicks- Foster The People
Day 23 - A song that you would want a guy or girl to play/sing for you
Fix You- Coldplay
Day 24 - A song in another language
Stariy Pidjak- Regina Spektor
Day 25 - A song that brings back memories
E.T.- Katy Perry
Day 26 - The cheesiest song EVER.
Call Me Maybe- Carly Rae Jepson
Day 27 - A song by the artist you think is the most talented
The Party- Regina Spektor
Day 28 - Your guilty pleasure song
Whistle- Flo Rida
Day 29 - A song that makes you horny O.o
awkward, Sexyback? Justin Timberlake?
Day 30 - A song by an artist you think is HOT!!
Flight of the Conchords...JUST KIDDING.
Day 31 - Last day! FREE CHOICE. Pick a favorite song! :D
Canon in D.

Monday, October 29, 2012


I am gazing into your soul...Like a boss.

So today I was walking down the hallway at school with my arm around one of my running bro's shoulders, and being the smooth motherfucker I am smashed my hip into the metal partition thingy in between the double doors, and now I have the most messed up hip. And let me just say, I don't have much between the metal and my bone, so IT HURT. A LOT.

There's my Rosa-is-so-damn-smooth moment for the day. Yup.
One day I was walking and talking (a no-no for Rosa) and I literally walked smack [no pun intended. LOL]  in the middle of one. I fucking bruised my nose. WHO DOES THAT?!
I should be a mother trucking ballerina.
Anyways, I finally got to wear my smoooooshed penny I got at a museum in Oregon. (pictured in the b&w photo) Cool beans.
Why doesn't anyone say that anymore? Cool beans cool beans cool beans cool bean cool beans. Cool beans. 
And then this other picture is from Saturday, when I went to the Junior class carnival. I matched our booth. :)

Oh, yes. The junior class Halloween carnival.
The setup took forever. The carnival took forever. The cleanup took forever. The. End.

So lately it feels like everyone seems to have made presumptions about me. Like seriously, I am not just another one of my siblings. I cannot tell you how many times I have heard "I didn't think you were this cool" or "I didn't know you swore?!" and "dang Rosa, you are actually quite funny." LIKE HELL I'M FUNNY. WHY THE FUCK DID YOU THINK I WASN'T!? Raaage. Although it is quite fun to surprise people, but it bothers me that they had judged me so quick.

Cool beans. 

Thursday, October 25, 2012

Just some things and junk and stuff.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
you don't know me,
but I know you.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
you are a like a cow,
except you don't go 'moo'

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
I am beautiful ,
oh- and so are you.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
you are not a monkey,
and you smell better than poo.

Yep. I feel pretty smart because these came from inside my BRAIN. Ya. Shocker much?

And why yes that is me, dressed up for western day.

Also, I am now the proud owner of glow in the dark and sparkly unicorn tattoos. Yisss.
Also, I now own this cool t-shirt. Awwwwwwww yeahh.

Man, so much catching up to do!
Anyways, peace out.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

lies, all lies

Just wanted to share these pictures I found on the interwebz.

Ladies, don't tell me you know exactly what I mean. Those Tampax commercials are forking lies.

"I just want to hug some puppies and shit"

LIES, ALL LIES. I refer to this as hell week, because bleeding out of your crevices should not be healthy. 

That explains why this week has been so crappy!


Anyways, I have actually been looking forward to school this week. It is spirit week, and there are some fun things to dress up for. Monday is nerd day, so I've got suspenders and pocket protectors and my glasses, which I need to find. Not sure what the rest are except Friday is 'Formal Friday' So I can get away with wearing a skirt!

Peace out hombre.

Saturday, October 20, 2012


So it all started one summers day when I was asked to paint faces for kids at a farmers market... I had never ever painted faces before, but quickly learned how and have painted faces at several different events. Lots and lots of practice. I also painted several billion paws (for our team mascot) on peoples faces and letters on various body parts. So, as you can tell, I have become kind of good at it. I'm planning on painting my face like this
for Halloween, because I am too lazy to dress up, but I need to do SOMETHING, because I have to help out with a family fun night and a carnival.

In other Rosa news, I saw Pitch Perfect last night. HOLY COW THAT IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE NOW. It was so good, I wish it didn't end. 



Friday, October 19, 2012

dog food smell...

^ I actually took a quality picture of this with my poor,  neglected camera. I love these earrings! I got them as a gift from my sister around four years ago, right after I got my ears pierced.

Anyways, THANK THE LORDYLOORD FOR WEEKENDS! Ugh, SO glad this week is done. For cereal. This week has been pretty forking awful. I FINALLY got out of my funk and dressed in a nice outfit (seen above) and did my eyebrows and makeup and didn't look blah. Yayyy!

So I lifted forty 45 lbs bags of dog food today from a container van (off of the last barge)  to a van van and then to someones shed today... Lets just say I drowned myself in perfume. UGH, dog food smell.-_-.

We have snow! Real snow, that's gonna stay. It makes the town prettier. :]

Wooo weekend.
Make up great.
Hakuna Matata!

Rosa ❤

Thursday, October 18, 2012


Caution: contains foul language.

I spent way too much time on this...


Wednesday, October 17, 2012

no mothertrucking clue.

"HOLY CRAP WE'RE DIFFERENT NOW! - My lovely 'sister' I've known forever. Also known as FunSize.

On a different note, I took the PSAT's today.

On a note just above the other, I got my school picture proof back today! And it LOOKS NICE!

On a note an octave lower than that, I have a writing/blogging Identity Problem.
-I cannot seem how my blog is going to be, like:
Diary form, lists, rants, daily life, fashion, pictures, feelings and shit, my deepest darkest secrets, etc.

On a C note, (I know, its getting old) I don't know why, but even though I was testing for three hours and didn't sleep well and had to do math and it wasn't the greatest day, I am happy. Why? No mothertrucking clue.

On a long, high pitched ending note, am I the only one that puts my iTunes on shuffle and halfway through the song realize "What. The Fuck. Am I. Listening. To?!"
That just happened. Several times. Seriously. Polka just came on...?

So, time to attempt to get civics and an essay done.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


Today was kind of shitty.
Not the 'could anything get worse than this?' Kind of crappy day, but the 'I don't feel like doing anything today and I have to do a lot but I cannot do the one thing I want to do today.' Yeah.

I think I'm also tired. From staying up to, ya know, one in the morning...

My mom was all stressin' about stuff yesterday and today, so she totally blew me off when I tried to tell her about me reading Poe and when I tried to read her my short response essay, which I'm pretty damn proud of. I know it shouldn't bother me, but it was even worse because she ignored me BOTH TIMES because my brother started talking to her, and we all know he take mothertrucking priority ALL THE TIME. And my mom doesn't even notice anymore.
What happened to being the spoiled baby of the family?

So the ONE THING I was wanting to do today was practice for my divers test which I can take in two weeks, so I texted my dad right after school and asked him, an apparently he tried to call me so he could 'make plans' for his evening, so since I didn't pick up he just ASSUMED I didn't want to, even though I didn't answer my cell because I was doing math and I left my phone in my bag so I wouldn't get distracted. So I asked my sister, and she said she would take me after I got my math and history done, so I cranked it out, motivated by the fact that I could FINALLY go driving and get some much needed practice, and we go out to the car and the fucking battery doesn't fucking work anymore.
Just my luck. So I rushed to get my homework done for now freaking reason, and I just feel crappy now.
I just wanted to do ONE thing... Annnnd on top of that my mom refuses to let me schedule a road test yet because she "doesn't have time to think about it right now." So what the fuck, am I just not going to get my license? ME GETTING IT WILL SAVE YOUR PRECIOUS TIME! Seriously.
So yeah, raaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaage. Sorry about the rant, but it's all freaking true.

And whoohooo, I also get to take the PSAT's tomorrow. At 8:30 in the morning. Yaaaaaay...

I hope your day was 10x better than mine.



So I have to write a short response to an essay question that asks to describe a book and tell what you like about it.
Is it creepy that I've been reading Poe?
A little bit, yes.Be forgiving of the writing, it hasn't really been edited and was written at midnight...
"I recently finished a collection of short stories by Edgar Allen Poe.

I especially enjoyed The Black Cat and The Raven.
The Black Cat
is a chilling tale about a bizarre,  drunken madman.  He becomes delirious with loathing for a black cat, and decides to murder it by hanging it from a tree. He ends up also murdering his wife and burying her within the walls of his house.
I usually do not enjoy such violent stories, but Poe’s illustration of the events is enticing and tells the story with such suspense it is hard not to read.The Raven is still a chilling tale about a man slowly falling into the pits of insanity.  Agonizing the loss of a loved one, he asks the raven questions about her, wondering if he shall ever get to see her again. The raven’s  reply, “nevermore,” enrages the man and pushes him further into madness.  At the end of tale, the raven sits above his door forevermore.I appreciate Poe’s style of writing in this story. He is eloquence and grace of rhyming is very congenial to read aloud or in one’s head. Though not as gruesome as The Black Cat, he illustrates suspense and anxiety as throughout the story. "

Monday, October 15, 2012


Holy crapo my brother gets married in a month and  half. 
Say whaat?
Seems like just yesteryear that they set the date. November seemed so far away... But now, it's almost here!
This is the first official fam-bam wedding that I've been to, let alone BEEN IN. Did I mention I am a bridesmaid? Have I mentioned my proneness to find ways to trip and fall? I have toppled over while standing still. Who does that?!
Apparently me. So clumsy + awkward + forgetting stuff + HAVE I MENTIONED I'M CLUMSY? + heels + an uber long dress = disaster waiting to happen. Oh good gosh.
I CANNOT WAIT UNTIL MY BROTHER HAS LITTLE BABY SPAWNS.  I mother trucking love babies. No, not in a creepy way. Why would you think that? Creep. o.O
But seriously, I can't wait to blow all my money on tiny little spawn clothes and toys and shit.

Okay time for math. Have I mentioned I hate math before? Anyways.

Dressing up: 'cause I can.

Sunday, October 14, 2012

-before I kick the bucket..

...Here's my bucket list.
I tried to pick things that could actually happen.

  • Go to college
  • Go to prom
  • Attend a murder mystery dinner
  • Ride in a helicopter 
  • Kiss a guy in the rain
  • Travel to a big city in the East Coast (other than Boston)
  • Go to a different country (other than Canada) 
  • Make a tree house 
  • Skydive (I know I know, extra extra cliche, but I have a HUGE fear of falling so I would be crazy cool to actually do this) 
  • Be in one of those zero-gravity places
  • Do crazy stuff in Wal-Mart
  • Meet a famous runner
  • Run a marathon
  • Coach a sport
  • Go to a beach that's actually warm
  • Get a deep-tissue massage
  • Write my will
  • Go to Iceland
  • Go to Chena Hot Springs, Alaska
  • Have my hair and makeup done by a professional
  • Hang out with a monkey
  • Ride the subway
  • See a Broadway musical live
  • Go to a fancy clothing store... And buy one thing.
  • Skinny dip
  • Go to a ball 

ermagerd clothes.

So this past year, I've become, well, addicted to clothes and fashion.

I freaking love it. I love scarves and necklaces and cardigans and leggings. I wish I could wear leggings every day, but noooo, Alaska hates me and gets cold.
I am also addicted to cool shirts. I found the coolest t-shirt shop ( that you can order stuff online from, and I spend a fortune getting chirstmas presents and shirts for myself from there.
I also love opportunities to shop at malls or go to stores with (sometimes) cheap clothes/accessories like Forever 21, AE, Ross Dress for Less, Claire's, Wet Seal, etc.
I also freaking LOVE shopping online. The super long wait and anticipation of getting new clothes is toxic.

When I was in "the big city," I got to go to Hot Topic for the second time in my life, and found blue hair dye. The idea has gotten attached in my brain, and the desire is SO so great. How cool would it be to get blue highlights?
I have just gotten addicted to a few fashion blaags. Urgh. I LOVE YOU CLOTHES.

This is by far my favorite outfit [right now] though.

So brace yourselves, outfit pictures will be coming. (:

It's weird how this happened though for reals, because I have three brothers, and I am around guys.. like... all the time. And they refer to me as their "bro."
Say what?


Thursday, October 11, 2012

I am teenage living in this teen age.

So I updated my about me... And this happened.

I am Rosa.
I am a runner, skiier, snowshoer.
I am a smeller and chewer 
A ponderer, a doubter 
A friend, a sister and a daughter.
I am a best friend, moral support,
A last resort a liver, a giver, a taker,
A maker, a breaker,
I am a babysitter, a librarian,
A barbarian, (not really) 
A teacher, a student
Looking for improvement 
I am a human.
I am a illusion. 
I am teenage living in the teen age. 

my new friend

Welcome to the family, little buddy.

Okay. "Hi, my name is Rosa and I am a shopaholic."
Yes. I admit it. I freakin' love clothes and jewelry and scarves and earrings. For reals.
So while I was in the big city for my race, I got to go to the mall. Lets just say I got lost in Forever 21 amid the outragous-ly weird half-shirts and ugly jeans. Don't get me wrong, Forever 21 has some great stuff, but seriously, who wears half the stuff they sell?!
I got to go to Hot Topic for the first time in a wayyy long time, and found that little gem. Ermagerd it so freakin' adorable.

Good gosh I'm such a teenager. Goodness.

I've promised myself that I will not become an annoying ditzy girl though, they drive me INSANE! Like "*giggle* OMG look at me I'm so cute and ooopsie! I'm so clumsy! Look at me with my fake see through glasses, I'm such a nerd! Oopsie my boobie is hanging out! But teehee I won't cover up, I'm like a cute sex kitten." Not seriously, but for reals.
Have you no shame ladies?
But holy crap! There are other teenagers who blaag. I don't feel as incredibly lame for having one, even though I already am incredibly lame. But that's okay! I don't mind. Kind of...

Peace out homefry

P.S. ugh my freakin' huge arse nose...

For cereal?


 Lately it seems like I cannot make up my mind. One minute I'm rocking a hair-do or outfit, and the next I will totally doubt myself and get uber self-conscious and stuff. What's up with that?

So I raced yesterday! Not my  best race ever, but I got fourth behind three girls from a 4A school, and their team got first for 4A, so I'm not extremely upset. It just  bugs me because I feel like I could have done better.

This past weekend I went to watch  the wrestling matches, and got to scope out some cute guys.;) Oh good gosh I am theee worst, but who can blame a girl for noticing when guys are walking around shirtless?! Mmmmm.
Haha.                                                  -Ro

Friday, October 5, 2012

Some musings.

So last night I got to thinking and wrote down some of it. I felt pretty dang wise.
Here's some of the best things I thought of. :
  • Love everyone, because you never know if they need to be loved or if you need to love.
  • Do we live to be happy or are we happy because we live?
  • Maybe adults don't grow up to learn the truth, but grow up to learn to lie.
  • Sometimes it's okay to not understand. 
Let me expand a little bit on these.
"Love everyone, because you never know if they need to be loved or if you need to love." Sometimes you need a reminder that you are a wonderful person, and it does the heart & soul good to be kind and caring of other people.

"Do we live to be happy or are we happy because we live?" Is the purpose of life to be happy? I strongly believe those who are not afraid to live and experience things and want to TRY are the happiest people. So what if you fail? What if you succeed?

"Maybe adults don't grow up to learn the truth, but grow up to learn to lie."
Sometimes you need a child to see the truth. They have no filter. They're not afraid to speak the truth, because they don't know bad things could happen. What if I told you the human being created an atmosphere to where you cannot always be honest, and a child just hasn't learnt it yet? I think they have it the best. Even though we like to protect them from scary monsters and bad dreams, really THEY are the most courageous. 

"Sometimes it's okay to not understand."
You don't have to know everything. And if you did, wouldn't it be tiring? Wouldn't you miss being curious and adventurous?

Just some food for thought.

Ta ta. 

Thursday, October 4, 2012

Don't hate, reciprocate.

Ookay. For reals, don't make fun. I wrote this a while ago.
...and just remembered I did it.
So here it is.

Running is a passion
for some, it is fashion
but I like to lace up my shoes
before taking a snooze
and rack up some miles
and jump over piles
of mud and rocks
and color my socks
without a frown
I pound away
thinking my legs will pay
I kick off my shoes & dig into the sand
my first foot will land
leaving the loveliest imprint
the trace of a hint
that a runner was there
without a care
splashing in the water
as my body gets hotter
while working hard
I let down my guard
and sing with glee
just happy to be
to breathe; to live
to take; to give
so I run free
as I pass along the sea
music blasting in my ears
thinking about my hopes; my fears
I push myself harder; faster
-but I’m nowhere near a master
of the sport that I love
I want to run for all of
the rest of my days
a millions steps & ways
to get me where I’m going
my pace never slowing
to get to my destination
adding up my equation
so I can finish my run
but really- things have only just begun


So I raced at state this week! Let me just say:
I got past that pain wall I've been getting stuck behind all season. (I got pushed once and I got kicked with spikes in the calf and didn't notice. At all.) I pushed past all the other girls (except one) to get second place. By less. Than. A. Second. It was crazy! I turned into this crazy runner person who shoves past people and bleeds and doesn't notice. Like a boss. But I also got to see some friends! It was ahh-mazing. I got to see some old besties that just moved out of my hometown, a family that used to live here once upon a time, my friends from my trip to Canada, and some running buddies. Talk about a great trip! I felt so cool knowing so many people. :]

So I got complimented about my style today! Thank you random sweet girl.:)
I was talking to my friend and she was standing there too (mind you, my school is very small so there aren't very many people's names I don't know...) and she told me "Wow, you always have the cutest outfits!"
I'm glad I don't look crazy! I've been a little more courageous lately about my style.
I feel like I've been pretty blazé about guys lately... It's kind of whatever, I guess. Rosa Don't Need No Man;) Sike, I love being close to guys, but it's just sooo much work. For reals. And there's the ol' gossip mill of the school. So yeah.

Soooooo tomorrow I turn 16! Actually, I'm not too pumped. It's kind of whatever. I mean I don't hate it, but I'm not like "ZOMG IT'S MY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE BOW DOWN TO ME AND I'M GONNA PARTY ALL NIGHT CAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WOOO SWEET 16!!!" ...Or something like that...

But it'll be fun, I'm having a movie night with some gals tomorrow and my friend is going to spend the night at my house and we're gonna be all "EAT ALL THE CANDY" Now that the season's done, and then Saturday my other friend is taking me out to dinner with another group of friends I have.

Anyways, tooodle-looo!

P.S., tomorrow is compliment a stranger day. Do it.
I left sticky notes on the girls' bathroom mirrors saying stuff like "you are gorgeous." and "own it" and "you look great today =)" and "you got this."   :)

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

"It's a hill. Get over it."

Oops! I forgot to mention running!
Last weekend I got first in the region! Weuuu! So I'm leaving for state Thursday(:

whoaah whiplash.

Okay, so I was totally into this guy in my last two posts, right? Well I think I was just really into the idea of dating. And someone liking me.
But nope.

Rosa, what do you mean by whiplash?
Well, dearest reader, he was talking like we would be dating throughout basketball season and on, but no. He then proceeded to say that he wanted to take things slow. So we went to the movie, and the only thing interesting that happened was our legs touched. Fabulous. Before we went to the crappy movie, he came a braved my family for a while, but he was texting this one girl he previously had something with. The. Entire. Time.
For cereal?
And I'm pretty certain he is still into her.
So after I had talked to my parents and gotten the dating talk, etc., fallen for him, and gone on a crappy date, he told me that it was weird for him because I am a lot like my best friend, who he sees as little sister.

I know I know it sounds like I am quite eloquent with my anger, but I'm actually not that angry.
I was able to stay fatuous and jocular, and I was surprised that it didn't effect me too much. The only bugging thing is my family still asks about him.

Ooh high school. You continue to be just lovely.


Tuesday, September 18, 2012

butterflies and trembles

Sooo. This boy.

I saw him at school today and he sat next to me and put his arm around me and it was so nice.(:
But I was trying to cut out a bunch of paw prints for locker posters while he was sitting by me, and I just COULD NOT keep my hands still! I don't want to be that girl who swoons a lot. -_-
But yeah. He still wants to kiss me. Good gosh I hope I'm a good kisser.
That's about when the butterflies kick in.

Oh my.

I feel like I am some person pretending to live a typical teenage life right now.



Monday, September 17, 2012


Sooooo. A lot has happened.

First off: my race last week! It went okay, I had side stitch but still won by about 40 seconds. The course was INSAANE.
This past weekend I went with my team to Anchorage to compete with the bigger Anchorage schools, and I came in 2nd place (13 seconds behind the top ranked runner in the region right now.) It was an awesome race, and I managed to not get side stitch and came home with a new PR of 19:54, 4 seconds faster than my state time last year.

But anyways.
Someone asked me to go see a move with him yesterday.


Crazy. The thing is, he is a quite popular senior that I've always been kind of friends with and worked with him this summer, so I was (and am) a little skeptical. I asked him what brought on asking me to a movie all the sudden and he said some sweet (but gushy) thing about me being attractive and whatnot. I am a little afraid this might be some sort of bet or something he has with his friends. My teammate had something similar happen to her.

I'm kind of afraid to be too excited.
I'm also kind of afraid, because I don't really have much experience in the dating arena... I am also afraid of my parents.
And my siblings.

They are embarrassing.

While we were texting, he mentioned in a cute way that he wants to find out if I'm a good kisser or not..
Am I?
I've only kissed one other person in my lifetime, and I barely remember it I was so nervous.

Plus, there's the fact that I am awkward.
Very, very awkward.
But we'll see how things go.

Caio for now, <-- look at me, getting all poetic

Thursday, September 6, 2012

I need some more outside culture.

So I travel tomorrow for running. I am excited.
I am also proud of myself, because I have been making a honest effort to look nice every day of the week. I don't want to jump the gun a bit, but I feel like my fashion sense has increased quite a bit.
I like to look nice. It gives me confidence, even though I'm  always checking myself for anything embarrassing. But really, is it so bad to be self aware?

So I have been perusing blogs from all over the wold today (Believe me, I don''t get too much outside culture in my town of 3,500 people.) I stumbled upon this on post that was so totally honest. It went something like:
"Guys these days.  They can be awesome, cute, sweet, kind, emotional, truthful, considerate, and respectful.  Really? haha  Somewhere... in each one, there are these amazing qualities just waiting to come out.  The problem is, right now, their dream girl is Katy Perry or some Victoria Secret model.  Their favorite artist is Lil Wayne and Wiz Khalifa. They’ve stopped looking at us as sweet girls that just want a real relationship based on trust and respect (haha did you just laugh?).  We girls, at some point, felt like we had to live up to Katy Perry, or sprout angel wings to get their attention.  I think this is why some girls, who are reallycool people, change themselves, get with guys, or dress and act like their easy.

My dad told me that when he was in school, guys only acted like that because they wanted to be cool.. so they could get the girls.  Posters in their rooms, talking like pervs, disrespecting girls, and getting with anyone that would put out.  He said what all the guys really wanted (but couldn't say it) was a relationship, and they wanted a relationship with the girls in school that were the hardest to get, because they had high standards and self-respect.  Interesting huh?  You mean girls act and look easy because they think guys want that?  And guys act like pervs to be cool, but really want a respectable girl?"

I can totally relate and see where she was coming from.

I'm am sorry, most of my posts these days are about guys.
But that's what's been on my mind!

Tuesday, September 4, 2012


Whoever invented geometry and chemistry must be out to get me.
Also seriously history? Why do I have to memorize you??
I feel like I'm drowning in school. And I feel 10x dumber than usual. No joke, I am terrible at memorizing stuff. I am SO SO terrible at math. Goodness. And I seriously cannot understand science.
*Smashes face on keyboard*
*Que pity party*


Monday, August 27, 2012

The pity party continues...

Oh yeah! And I won my two races this weekend. Not that guys care about running skills, plus I always look like crap when I run.

God, I am so petty.

I you cannot already tell, I'm kind of in a funk.

Jealousy is a terrible thing. Which is why I am terrible.

So we all have that one friend that is pretty much better than us at everything... right?
Well, I do.
She is one of my best friends in the world, but she sometimes makes me feel so ugly compared to her.
Don't get me wrong, she always is amazing and compliments me and stuff, it's just. Yeah. I don't even compare to her.
She has the cutest little feet, skinny but not scrawny legs, a cute belly (she's skinnier than me, and eats healthier, too.) nicely shaped arms and hands (she's stronger...) a cute shaped face, pretty eyes, a normal shaped nose, and beautiful hair. All the guys in this freaking town have liked her (or have kind of dated her) and she is so good around guys.
It kills me every time I see more guys (and guys I think are cute but don't notice me) flirting with her. It seriously makes me feel like dirt. I wish I could just yell "HELLO! THERE'S SOME BEAUTIFUL SOMEWHERE IN HERE!"
Yeah,,, I'm having a pity party up in my crib.
Also, I've got PMS.
Also also, haha I've gotten too lazy to look up more quotes. So yeah.

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it. -Confucius

So recently I've had a wake up call from what my friend Beatrice said to me. I don't remember her exact  writing, but one piece of word really stuck with me. She said that 1) I need to realize that I shouldn't put myself down so much and 2) I can't chamge how I look, so might as well embrace it and act with confidence.
Take my huge nose for example: I'll just think of it as adding contours to my face. My flat chest? All the better for running, plus I honestly don't care if people think my boobs are small, so what? My big feet? Spreads out the surface area for impact while running. +Higher heels without my feet hurting as much?
Screw other people's opinions, man. Plus, all them guys of my running team are like my bros. Plus they let me steal their heat and sleep on them without any weirdness.(:
It still kind of sucks, but screw it.

It has taken me FOREVER to write this! I have been SO SO SO busy with running, babysitting, work and school, it's not even funny. This week I put in about 29 miles! Pluuus I ran two community races this week.


Thursday, August 2, 2012

A lifetime of training for just ten seconds. [20 minutes] -Jesse Owens

So recently, I've actually had a life. Well, at least on weekends.
Shocker, right?
This past 6 or 7 weeks have been awesome!
I've gone to salmon lake and bridge jumped, hiked to Dorthy Falls, hiked some more, ran races, fireweed picked, gone tundra tea picking, had movie nights, had bonfires, gone swimming, gone out to eat and gone fishing!
Last year, the interns for the day camp type thingy we're all pretty uppity and stuff, but this year they were all so much fun! I made friends with all of them, pretty much.
Most weekdays I was stuck working and running, but pretty much every day all weekend I would go do stuff, despite most of my friends being out of town travelling and doing fun stuff.  I also made friends with some other cool highschoolers. I've also gotten the oppurtunity to go driving a lot, so I've gotten practice driving out of town, in town, and on our one highway. I'm not quite ready for summer to end and for reality (and school) to set in. I am so crazy far behind, it terrifies me.
On  brighter note, XC started Monday! I lalalaloooove running <3
We have SO many people on our team!

Friday, June 22, 2012

Beauty is in the heart of the beholder. -H. G. Wells

It has been done! They're gone!
Well, today was amazing/bad.
I woke up this morning dreading having my mouth propped open for a long period f time, but it actually didn't take too long! The only bad thing about today was that I woke up sickly and feeling like crap, with a throbbing sore throat, with 5 hours of work to look forward to.
But the pain has subsided, I got to hang out with one of my best friends today, it's a weekend, I ate an apple normally, so I feel pretty lucky.

Tuesday, June 19, 2012

A good head and a good heart are always a formidable combination. -Nelson Mandela

So today I am going to be completely and utterly honest about some of the people I love and am really close to... All names are changed.
Okay, if any of these are about you, please don't be mad or think I'm trying to get back at you or am trying to change anything, these are just my thoughts I'm too chicken to say aloud and am afraid to think sometimes. If you really don't want to know the complete truth I would look away now.

TallMan: Okay, we're not really close anymore, but I wish we were. We used to hang out all the time, until you  started getting taller and filling out and getting older, and now it seems like you're to cool for me now. I used to have a huge crush on you but you were dumb and would subconsciously flirt with me which drove me crazy. Everyone would tease us and you'd just get red, and it just pushed you away... What happened? I miss you.
Henry makes me feel like such a loser, but I guess I kind of am at the high school. Which I hate, I hate being ugly and awkward.

FunSize: Girl you are like my sister. I love it when I am able too help you get through stuff and cheer you up and help. I miss being around you. You are so convinced you're weird and no very good looking, but dear you are so fucking elegant and sooo fucking pretty you have no idea and it makes me mad and kind of jealous sometimes. You doubt youself so much sometimes, and I wish you could beleive in youself sometimes and really see your amazing genious self.
I know it shouldn't, but it bugs me when you talk about your "Facebook Family" and such, because you would go on and on aobut how wonderful they are and I know I shouldn't, but it makes me jealous that you got that close to them while drifting further from me. I swear, sometimes I am the worst person on the earth.

Ralayne: Gosh you are so gorgeous and I secretly hate you for it. You go on and on aout how big your thighs are and how fat you are, but you are the perfect fucking size and I get so jealous cause you have the perfect thigh size, the perfect wrists that aren't real fat but aren't so weirdly scrawny like mine and your boobs are the perfect size and your hair is so gorgeous and I get so jealous because you don't get many pimples and you look pretty even right after we work out.
But adii girl you drive me crazy because you will completely ignore me sometimes and when we do hang out you don't always listen because you are always on your phone, but you never text me back. I get so jealous when you talk about hanging out with your friends and the fun times you had with all them guys, and it makes me feel like even more or a loser and a low life, because even when you do invite me (which is never, now) I feel like the loser tag-a-long. All them boys always end up liking you, and I can't figure out why no one will notice me that isn't a loser! I am becoming such a jealous bitch it's not even funny. You always talk about Jake being your best friend and stuff and I always get a pang of jealousy (yeah, I'm kind of a jealous bitch) because I so dearly want to get back closer with you, because I see you as my best friend.

BohemianPrincess: Oh, dear Margaret. Sometimes I swear you hate me and hate spending time with me, but you always run up when you see me on front street to give me a hug. I'm glad you got that babysitting job with my co-worker!
Gosh girl you are so tiny and hang out with guys so easily, and you are so shy it's cute. I'm pretty sure you don't realize how beautiful you are. I swear, your hair is like a goddesss's, and your facial shape is gorg.
It is kind of hard sometimes to hang out with you because you don't really like to talk very much, but sometimes that's okay, and we have so much fun!

Helga: Gosh I love you. Like seriously, SO MUCH. I love that you're always game to hang out or run, and you're always ready to run hard, get muddy, or go to the beach with me. I'm going to miss you. I'm going to feel like such a low life while you're gone, because you are one of the main people I hang out with and I'm going to be a hermit on the weeknights. I absolutely love that you are so delighted to see me all the time, it makes me happy.:]
Sometimes you get a little embarrassing or crazy, but that's also one of the things I love about you. It infuriates me sometimes when you and Catherine get really buddy buddy because I end up feeling really left out, which you wouldn't think would be a prolem because I'm already left out of eveything. Your hair is the most gorgeous hair, love. If you ever thought about cutting it, it would look nice in pretty much any haircut. I hate your hair and it's non-frizziness.

TheLady: Oh, lady. You're too old and it's scaring me.  You are so sweet! You are so loud and outgoing and friends with all them guys, and I sort of get jelly. You're getting old and it's not cool because you're leaving! :'( But you keep drifting further from me and I miss being close to you.
Girl, you are so sweet and I love that you listen to my rants and can relate to me with annoying brothers. I hate you for how much raw beauty you have without even trying, and how much you don't give a fuck about what other people think about you.

Please don't be mad about anything I said.
I love you all,

Sunday, June 17, 2012

A man who dares to waste one hour of time has not discovered the value of life. -Charles Darwin

So, the last month has gone by in a blur. I am SO thankful for such wonderful family and coworkers.
I got hired to work at the public library ANNND to work for this local day camp-type-thing. Which means I end up working from 8:30-5 with a half hour lunch break, which tires me out... A LOT. It makes it realy hard for me to get to hang out with people during the week and to get my runs in. But I really love my jobs, and I sure do love the money!
I GET MY BRACES OFF FRIDAY!!! Holy crap FINALLY, after three freaking years!  Can I just say finally, again?
I reaallyyyy really can't wait to get them off so when I smile my bottom lip won't do this weird thing where it pushes out and looks huge anymore! Yayy.
Anyways, the past couple weekends I've been getting to hang out with my older siblngs and the interns teaching the day camp, and last weekend we went out for a super fun hike to a waterfall! And then this week we drove out to a beautiful lake and roasted hot dogs and made s'mores and tanned, and then on the way back I  went bridge jumping for the first time! It was a little freaky because I have nightmares about falling, but it was SO MUCH fun. Anyways, I gotta go.

Friday, May 25, 2012

Never take anything for granted. -Benjamin Disraeli

Whale whale whale...
I don't know why I just said that...
Well, I SHOULD be going to sleep right now, but of course I get inspired to write on here.
So some exciting stuff happening! And some.. Not so exciting stuff.
Let start with the good! I get my braces off in four weeks! Finally free of these shackles!
I'm also stoked to start my job at the public library tomorrow, awesome sauce!
My mom's been going through some stuff recently, 'cause her lung were all filled with fluids from when she was sick, which made it hard for her to breathe which brought her blood pressure up, and there's a cyst or something somewhere (I don't remember where) but they're pretty certain it's not cancer or anything to worry about... I'm definitely praying, she'll know tomorrow morning.
But on a brighter note, today was a pretty good day! And productive!
My morning was pretty lazy, but I went to school, got back and started cleaning (my mom had left a list or chores) so I unloaded and reloaded the dishwasher, washed all the cups that had gross leftover residue (which was a LOT of cups), swept and washed the floors, swept the porches, and wiped down the staircase walls. After I was done cleaning my friend Helga came over and hung out for a bit, and then we went running... I ran with Helga, Sweater, and Texas., and then after we went running we decided to go to my house for some oreo pie that I made... And then my other friend FunSize. who I have known for FOREVER texted me and told me she was in town for a bit so she came too, and it was super random but fun.(: But then after everyone left but the FunSize, and we hung out and talked serious and talked silly and had fun(: Gosh I love that girl's guts. But yeah, yay friends and running. <3

Wednesday, May 23, 2012

Beauty is only temporary, but your mind lasts you a lifetime. -Alicia Machado

Lately, I have been becoming more creative and open with my hairstyles... Like utilizing my long hair.
Which is going to make it that much harder to get it cut, because I won't be able to do as much with it.
But for running, it is reeeeeaaaallllyy annoying to run with such a long pony tail.
Thankfully, I won't have to worry about that until I get my first paycheck, which won't be for another couple weeks...
Ta Ta!

Monday, May 21, 2012

All life is an experiment. The more experiments you make the better. -Ralph Waldo Emerson

So, this month has been crazy...
Oh, you want to hear what I've been up to?
*Deep breath*
Since last month I've beendoing lots of planning and prepping, I was applying for a biathlon rifle to practice marksmanship, I was planning JROTC's military ball, I was lining up a job at the public library for this summer, I was applying for working at a day camp again, I was  running and doing school. And theeeen, I left Nome behind for a week and a half.
My trip:
My mom, TheBoy and I flew into Anchorage and hopped on the road and drove for 8 hours to Fairbanks, and I got to stop by the dorms and hang out with GhostBaby, and then we went and crashed at our hotel.
The next few days went by fast with arguements, Graduations, and helping GhostBaby pack up his dorm... P.S., it was pretty cool to hang out in the dorm room.
After that we drove to Delta Junction to visit with my brother and his fiancee, and we went out for a nice dinner and ooooof course everyone was arguing. Again. But we love eachother. My mom, my sister, and my brother's fiancee and I went to the cute little bed and breakfast and stayed in a fancy cabin.
The next day, we went on the road (AGAIN) and drove back to Anchorage.
Folloing some rest at the hotel, we hopped in the van and went to David's Bridal to pick out a bridesmaid dress for me... THAT was a weird expirience for me, because you can't evaluate the dress prior to exiting the dressing room because there's no mirror, so you could look stupid and not knw it until everyone else has seen you. After that we went to Men's Wrehouse and then drove to Alyeska so my mom could check out the wedding venue.
The following day was flying day to go to Portland, and we got to visit my grandparents.
Friday we got to go to the Nike Employee Store and I got hooked up with a crap ton of gear which I REALLY needed. And then we got to go to Ross Dress for Less and got real cute and cheap stuff there. Anf then I got to run and go swimming(:
The next day was the graduation party at my aunt's really nice house, and let me tell you: my family rocks...
So my cousins are all quite older than me, and most are over 21. So the start playing beer pong RIGHT beside my aunts and uncles and grandparents... And then my DAD walks over and asks to be taught how to play... The day was filled with hanging out with lots of family and ping pong and basketball and frisbee with silly names. I love my family.

...Which brings me to today, and I'm finally sitting home in my own house, and I have a job interveiw, receiveing and shooting my rifle and meeting with BossLady about my job at the library and the last week of school!

So... Yeah. Life has been busy.

Saturday, April 28, 2012

Just a rundown.

So today I'm going to look up and give a brief description of everyone I have quoted.
Much more fun than doing my History homework...
So from oldest to newest:

"A thing of beauty is a joy forever: its loveliness increases; it will never pass into nothingness."
John Keats : English romantic poet.

"A lot of people run a race to see who’s the fastest. I run to see who has the most guts."
Steve Prefontane: Only one of the greatest runners of all time...

"Hope the best, expect the worst, life's a play and we are unrehearsed."
Dr. Suess: Um, amazing book writer?!

"May you live all the days of your life."
Johnathan Swift: Satirist, essayist, political pamphleteer, poet. In one of his essays, he writes that that the Irish should eat their own children. Oh, the irony.

"Everybody is a genius, but if you judge a fish by its ability too climb a tree, it will live its whole life believing that it is stupid."
Einstein: You know who Einstein is.

"Small minds are concerned with the extraordinary, great minds are concerned with the ordinary."
Blaise Pascal: Frenchman. Mathematician, inventor,  physicist, writer and philosopher.

"You can't win unless you learn how to lose."
Kareem Abdul-Jabbar: Professional b-baller.

"You can't put a limit on anything. The more you dream, the farther you get."
Michael Phelps: Won a crap-ton of medals during the Olympics. Crazy good swimmer.

"Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom."
Thomas Jefferson: Past prez... You know, the declaration of independence and stuff?

"Always remember that the future comes one day at a time."
Dean Acheson: An American lawyer.

"Be obscure clearly."
E. B. White: Elwyn Brooks White, wrote for the New York Times.

"If you fail to prepare, prepare to fail."
Steve Prefontaine: Second quote by him.

"I've failed over and over and over again in my life and that is why I succeed."
Michael Jordan: Professional b-baller.

"A friend is one who knows you and loves you just the same."
Elbert Hubbard: American writer, artist, publisher, and philosopher.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on."
Robert Frost: Famous poet.

"The purpose of life is a life of purpose."
Robert Byrne: He is a sports author, novelist, and journalist.

"Growing up, I wanted desperately to please, to be a good girl."
Claire Danes: Actress

"A woman whose smile is open and whose expression is glad has a kind of beauty no matter what she wears."
Anne Roiphe: American writer and journalist. Feminist.

"All things are difficult before they are easy."
Thomas Fuller: Writer and historian.

"Failure is success if we learn from it."
Malcolm Forbes: Publisher of Forbes magazine.

"A runner must run with dreams in his heart, not money in his pocket."
Emil Zatopek: Czech long-distance runner best known for winning three gold medals at the 1952 Summer Olympics.

"Everything has been figured out, except how to live."
Jean-Paul Sartre: French existentialist philosopher, playwright, novelist, screenwriter, political activist, biographer, and literary critic.

"An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience."
Don Marquis: Humorist and journalist.

"It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer."
Albert Einstein: ...

"The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention."
Oscar Wilde: Oscar Fingal O'Flahertie Wills Wilde. Irish writer and poet.

"Life is wasted on the living."
Douglas Adams: Writer. Wrote 'Life, The Universe and Everything' and other books.

"Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars."
Les Brown: Guitars, anyone?

Anyways, cherrio!

Wednesday, April 25, 2012

Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss it you will land among the stars. -Les Brown

Can I just say I love running on sunny days?
Well I do.

2 1/2 more weeks until Fairbanks/Oregon! :D

Life is wasted on the living. -Douglas Adams

I think I am Bozo the Clown and Yoda's lovechild.
I seem to have a knack for cheering people up, or providing insight into people's problems.
It feels good to help.
But, I sure with there was a Rosa for me!

I still feel ugly. Looking around at all these gorgeous girls, that are pretty inside and out, I feel so... Average. It sucks. And even if they're ugly on the inside, at least they're pretty, and have something for them. I just have... Trying to be nice.
Which sucks, because I am forever overlooked. Ugh. I just want to be wanted.
And even the average or okay-ish girls get guys that flirt with them and get boyfriends!

I hate high school.

Friday, April 20, 2012

The smallest act of kindness is worth more than the grandest intention. -Oscar Wilde

Well, I got a nice surpise today! During the Iditarod I went to the meet the mushers and for the Nugget Iditarod edition newspaper and went through and got a few signed. And by request of my sister, I sent one to her for her to give to her friend, whose mom was a 4th grade teacher of a class that waws learning about the Iditarod and following it. So I gues siit went over pretty wel with them, because I got an envelope in today from them filled with hand written ADORABLE thank you cards, and a t-shirt from their school with all their signatures on the back. It's cool to know small things that you do make a difference.:)
So other then that, things are still crazy and will be for a while. Oh dear. I just love how my weekends fill themselves up! Although this week it will be fun, because tomorrow I'm going pledging with Helga, going for a run and going with a bunch of people to watch a play out local drama club put together. Saturday is the Ski-2-Sea, and Sunday I am FINALLY going to go watch THE HUNGER GAMES! Hopefully I'll get a bunch of people to go then. Yay for fun weekends!

Thursday, April 19, 2012

It's not that I'm so smart, it's just that I stay with problems longer. -Albert Einstein

The inspection... The inspection. It went... Okay. The inspector is kind of a a-hole. 
Well, I did pretty good for my staff section! And afterwards I ran the four miles home from school in about half an hour, which is pretty good!:)
My mood has improved quite a lot, and my skin is FINALLY starting to clear up a bit! *knock on wood*
Plus my hair has been nice! Anyways, I'm pretty tired. I had youth court today which was SO awkward.
So anyways, tomorrow I have staff meeting and a run, Friday I have pledging for ski team, and a workout, Saturday is the Ski-2-Sea, Monday I meet with my new client for youth court and have a workout, Tuesday I need to go take my permit test,  Wednesday I have National Honor Society practice (still haven't memorized that pledge :S) , Thursday I have staff meeting, then I need to pretty up and go to the induction ceremony for NHS. This is going to be a busy week!

Monday, April 16, 2012

An optimist is a guy that has never had much experience. -Don Marquis

Fake it 'til you make it. 
Pretty much my life story right now. I have to just go through the motions of high school until college, where I know it will get better. I am so glad I have something to motivate myself...
Seriously, I freaking HATE PMS with a passion. I hate being all emotional and stuff. It's buggy.

Anyways, I had just THE BEST day today! *note sarcastic tone* I got to go to the dentist for my braces, but the guy, who was just changing out a freaking POWER CHAIN, 1) took forever 2) didn't have the right tools 3) is really careless and rough, and 4) doesn't do this very often. So a had him GRIPPING at my face try to get the rubber bands on, and digging into my gums, to the point where they had to start dabbing the blood away. 
SERIOUSLY?! Just have your effing assistant do it, she is 10x better! Meanwhile I'm trying not to cry as they stab me with pointy things! So, of course that was a fun time... So, the entire time I was looking forward to a tiny peice of amazing brownie to eat when I got home to get rid of the taste of blood and find that my freaking pig brother ate HALF THE PAN! Meaning, there was none left. At all. So, I crawled into bed and bawled for a while 'cause my gums were still bleeding and my mouth hurt and I was being emotional and feeling crappy, and then had to try to pull it together to go to school. So I slappedd some makeup on and put my hair up so I would at least look average, and had to go through the motions of class, and I got to stress about the inspection for JROTC tomorrow by spending 2 hours in the supply room cleaning. After that, I went over for a National Honor Society meeting and got to stress over memorizing something, adn then got to go to a meeting for JROTC and got to sttress about a presentation I'm supposed to do tomomorrow. Fun! So I take the bus home and am taking my usual shortcut, except everything is melting so I sink in up to my thigh! Which wouldn't have been to bad except I was wearing Chuck's and jeans, so my jeans got wet and my kicks got full of snow and almost got stuck in the snow a couple times. 
God I have this town. 
But yeah. That's it for whining today! 
On the bright side, well... Um. 
I guess one thing to look forward to is going to Fairbanks and the lower 48 in a few weeks. 
I'm so tired of acting happy all the freaking time. 

Sunday, April 15, 2012

"Sometimes when I have a problem, I just sing, then I realize my voice is worse than my problem."

Sometimes, I just feel really ugly. Inside and out.

I have ugly thoughts about annoying children.
I have ugly thoughts about people.
I have ugly thoughts about myself.
I have ugly thoughts about this town.
I have ugly thoughts about sports.
I have ugly thoughts about ages.
I have ugly thoughts aboout dumb teens.

I have a ugly nose.
I have ugly teeth.
I have ugly arms.
I have ugly, weird legs.
I have ugly boobs.
I have ugly clothes.
I have ugly feet.
I have ugly hair.

I have ugly insecurities and fears.
I have an ugly personality.
I have an ugly voice.
I have a ugly want to always be complimented and praised.
I have a ugly want to please.
I have a ugly want to be wanted.

Sorry, this is depressing, but it's all true.

I keep trying to stop thinking and talking about guys, but why don't they like me?! Every single other friend I have has been whistled to, asked out, or SOMETHING.
I get weird and ugly stalkers.
I just want to feel beautiful.


Saturday, April 14, 2012

Everything has been figured out, except how to live. -Jean-Paul Sartre

There has been SO much going on this last month! So, a run down:

WMO: Still sick, placed 2nd both days. Super fun otherwise, other then coughing so hard one night I puked.
WISA: Second place the first day only EIGHTEEN SECONDS behind TheLady-_-, and fourth for the biathlon...Not my best race. But next year I'm going to go at it hard, skiing on my off days, doing ab and arm work, etc.  And this summer I am going to shoot lots!
I've also been helping with the ADORABLE fourth graders, and it makes me super  happy how excited they are about skiing.

After I got back from Galena the following week I had HSGQE's, which were a bundle of joy... NOT. It helped me realize how far behind I still am for math, yikes. But yeah, those were long and grueling.

And THEN, I have been attending Youth Court meetings, and staff mettings for JROTC. I have had SO much work to do because I fell very very behind when I missed all those meetings for ski practices, and our super important formal inspection is Tuesday.
Annnd, on top of that, I've had to write an essay and fill out an application for National Honor Society. But I got accepted!
In my very near future I get to look forward to memorizing a pledge, going to NHS practices, and studying for my permit test! Oh dear.
So in short, life has been crazy.
So up at the emotional front, I've been having to deal with bad hair days, pimples, and grandma that had a heart attack. I spent one night crying myself to sleep. Not a fun night.
I can't help but feel very average lately. Maybe guys don't dig me because I'm not easy? 'Cause I don't flirt with everyone I see? Because I'm ugly? Because I don't show my boobs? Because I friendzone people? I wanna shout in their faces that if they like me, JUST GET THE GUTS TO TELL ME. Goodness.

P.S., here are some pictures!
Well, goodnight. Or morning, whatever floats your boat.