not with a bang but with a whimper

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Those thoughts that run through your head. That make your heart pound. Not a feeling but a sound.
Down goes the day, and the other seems so far away.
That how you can feel. That's how you can breathe. That's how you can love and give and live and survive. One day at a time. 
Think about it. 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Do you ever feel on top of the world? I have. Then there's that moment that is a weight. Maybe 200 kilos.  Maybe more. Maybe less. It gets tired to your leg. Or maybe arm. Or maybe neck. It drags you down with such force. I  get whiplash. Emotions all crazy. Crazy crazy crazy.
Do you think many people crash and burn? Everyone. Do most people cry and yelp and whine and weep?
Do most people grunt and endure and deal? Do most people whimper? 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

The world tried to end. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Do I believe it? No.
Does the thought scare me?
Yes.

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

2012 is pretty much done.
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.


I stopped talking to BigMan.
Not much to say about that, but:
drinker/partier. Player. Looking for someone to kiss on New Years?

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
Champ's done.
?Dating? someone else.

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Sibling fights, tension.
Sucks.

Time well spent or not spent well enough?
Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Happy almost birthday, Blog.
Celebrate Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

Maybe I should make some resolutions?

Should I?

2012 has been quite the year.

• AWG
• Ski season
• Summer- work
• XC season.
• 2nd place. State. 
• Math at high school.
• Boys, boys, boys.
  Champ, BigMan, Mr.Mess, SisterBrother, Camo, Beast, etc. 
• Self image battling. Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.
• Blogging. 
• Life
• Siblings at home. 
• Thanksgiving. Christmas. 

Not With A Bang But With A Whimper.

tips from one high school runner to another.

So I figured I would write down some of the wisdom over my years of running. Here goes:
The pre-race basics:

1) Drink a crap-ton of water. No joke, 6 oz. every half hour the day before and a few hours before the race start slowing down so you don't have to pee during the race (BAD, BAD IDEA. (I've had to learn this one the hard way...)) 

2) Eat a small, but hearty/healthy meal the day before. Fish is probably the best thing you could possibly eat, and you could pair it with something else to make it more filling like scallops. Make sure to eat 2 different kinds of veggies, one cooked and one raw (like roasted brussel sprouts and cucumbers.) The day of make sure you eat SOMETHING, but not too much that it will stay in your stomach. Bananas and bagels are my favorite. 

3) VISUALIZE. I know everybody keeps saying that, and I didn't really listen or get it until this year, but visualize your course, how you will push up hills and flats, think about the pain you'll feel and the pain in your chest from breathing so hard and the dizziness in your head from oxygen deprivation. Visualize the end of your race and your kick. What helps me is to think "Who wants it more?" 

During the race:

4) You have to mentally prepare yourself to destroy your opponents. Don't show your pain. Accept it, but don't let them know you're hurting just as much as you. It tricks your mind and your opponent into thinking you're not actually hurting. 

5) Be ruthless. Don't be afraid to push past someone for the better spot in the course. 

6) Last of all, own the race. Not being cocky, but know this is YOUR RACE. You have to know this will be your best race yet.

EAT ALL THE CANDY.

So I raced at state this week! Let me just say:
BEST. RACE. EVER.:)
I got past that pain wall I've been getting stuck behind all season. (I got pushed once and I got kicked with spikes in the calf and didn't notice. At all.) I pushed past all the other girls (except one) to get second place. By less. Than. A. Second. It was crazy! I turned into this crazy runner person who shoves past people and bleeds and doesn't notice. Like a boss. But I also got to see some friends! It was ahh-mazing. I got to see some old besties that just moved out of my hometown, a family that used to live here once upon a time, my friends from my trip to Canada, and some running buddies. Talk about a great trip! I felt so cool knowing so many people. :]

So I got complimented about my style today! Thank you random sweet girl.:)
I was talking to my friend and she was standing there too (mind you, my school is very small so there aren't very many people's names I don't know...) and she told me "Wow, you always have the cutest outfits!"
I'm glad I don't look crazy! I've been a little more courageous lately about my style.
I feel like I've been pretty blazé about guys lately... It's kind of whatever, I guess. Rosa Don't Need No Man;) Sike, I love being close to guys, but it's just sooo much work. For reals. And there's the ol' gossip mill of the school. So yeah.

Soooooo tomorrow I turn 16! Actually, I'm not too pumped. It's kind of whatever. I mean I don't hate it, but I'm not like "ZOMG IT'S MY BIRTHDAY EVERYONE BOW DOWN TO ME AND I'M GONNA PARTY ALL NIGHT CAUSE IT'S MY BIRTHDAY WOOO SWEET 16!!!" ...Or something like that...

:)
But it'll be fun, I'm having a movie night with some gals tomorrow and my friend is going to spend the night at my house and we're gonna be all "EAT ALL THE CANDY" Now that the season's done, and then Saturday my other friend is taking me out to dinner with another group of friends I have.

Anyways, tooodle-looo!


P.S., tomorrow is compliment a stranger day. Do it.
I left sticky notes on the girls' bathroom mirrors saying stuff like "you are gorgeous." and "own it" and "you look great today =)" and "you got this."   :)

"It's a hill. Get over it."

Oops! I forgot to mention running!
Last weekend I got first in the region! Weuuu! So I'm leaving for state Thursday(:

Whoah.

Sooooo. A lot has happened.

First off: my race last week! It went okay, I had side stitch but still won by about 40 seconds. The course was INSAANE.
This past weekend I went with my team to Anchorage to compete with the bigger Anchorage schools, and I came in 2nd place (13 seconds behind the top ranked runner in the region right now.) It was an awesome race, and I managed to not get side stitch and came home with a new PR of 19:54, 4 seconds faster than my state time last year.

But anyways.
Someone asked me to go see a move with him yesterday.

Yeah.

Crazy. The thing is, he is a quite popular senior that I've always been kind of friends with and worked with him this summer, so I was (and am) a little skeptical. I asked him what brought on asking me to a movie all the sudden and he said some sweet (but gushy) thing about me being attractive and whatnot. I am a little afraid this might be some sort of bet or something he has with his friends. My teammate had something similar happen to her.

I'm kind of afraid to be too excited.
I'm also kind of afraid, because I don't really have much experience in the dating arena... I am also afraid of my parents.
And my siblings.

They are embarrassing.

While we were texting, he mentioned in a cute way that he wants to find out if I'm a good kisser or not..
Am I?
I've only kissed one other person in my lifetime, and I barely remember it I was so nervous.

Plus, there's the fact that I am awkward.
Very, very awkward.
But we'll see how things go.

Caio for now, <-- look at me, getting all poetic
Rosa

I need some more outside culture.

So I travel tomorrow for running. I am excited.
I am also proud of myself, because I have been making a honest effort to look nice every day of the week. I don't want to jump the gun a bit, but I feel like my fashion sense has increased quite a bit.
I like to look nice. It gives me confidence, even though I'm  always checking myself for anything embarrassing. But really, is it so bad to be self aware?

So I have been perusing blogs from all over the wold today (Believe me, I don''t get too much outside culture in my town of 3,500 people.) I stumbled upon this on post that was so totally honest. It went something like:
"Guys these days.  They can be awesome, cute, sweet, kind, emotional, truthful, considerate, and respectful.  Really? haha  Somewhere... in each one, there are these amazing qualities just waiting to come out.  The problem is, right now, their dream girl is Katy Perry or some Victoria Secret model.  Their favorite artist is Lil Wayne and Wiz Khalifa. They’ve stopped looking at us as sweet girls that just want a real relationship based on trust and respect (haha did you just laugh?).  We girls, at some point, felt like we had to live up to Katy Perry, or sprout angel wings to get their attention.  I think this is why some girls, who are reallycool people, change themselves, get with guys, or dress and act like their easy.

My dad told me that when he was in school, guys only acted like that because they wanted to be cool.. so they could get the girls.  Posters in their rooms, talking like pervs, disrespecting girls, and getting with anyone that would put out.  He said what all the guys really wanted (but couldn't say it) was a relationship, and they wanted a relationship with the girls in school that were the hardest to get, because they had high standards and self-respect.  Interesting huh?  You mean girls act and look easy because they think guys want that?  And guys act like pervs to be cool, but really want a respectable girl?"

I can totally relate and see where she was coming from.

I'm am sorry, most of my posts these days are about guys.
But that's what's been on my mind!

The pity party continues...

Oh yeah! And I won my two races this weekend. Not that guys care about running skills, plus I always look like crap when I run.

God, I am so petty.

I you cannot already tell, I'm kind of in a funk.

A lifetime of training for just ten seconds. [20 minutes] -Jesse Owens

So recently, I've actually had a life. Well, at least on weekends.
Shocker, right?
This past 6 or 7 weeks have been awesome!
I've gone to salmon lake and bridge jumped, hiked to Dorthy Falls, hiked some more, ran races, fireweed picked, gone tundra tea picking, had movie nights, had bonfires, gone swimming, gone out to eat and gone fishing!
Last year, the interns for the day camp type thingy we're all pretty uppity and stuff, but this year they were all so much fun! I made friends with all of them, pretty much.
Most weekdays I was stuck working and running, but pretty much every day all weekend I would go do stuff, despite most of my friends being out of town travelling and doing fun stuff.  I also made friends with some other cool highschoolers. I've also gotten the oppurtunity to go driving a lot, so I've gotten practice driving out of town, in town, and on our one highway. I'm not quite ready for summer to end and for reality (and school) to set in. I am so crazy far behind, it terrifies me.

On  brighter note, XC started Monday! I lalalaloooove running <3
We have SO many people on our team!